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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 122231" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>So, after five months of really settling into middle school, difficult child had his first referral today <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/nonono.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":nonono:" title="nonono :nonono:" data-shortname=":nonono:" />. I got a call from his 1:1 this afternoon where he and difficult child were sitting in the office waiting for the principal. Seems difficult child was at the printer in class waiting for his paper. Another boy, one he never had any conflict with, got up on him and put his face in front of difficult child. difficult child told him to "back away". Other kid figured, this is 1:1's take, that difficult child wasn't going to tell him what to do so he shoved difficult child in the back. difficult child turned around and shoved him back and turned back to the printer. Kid then grabbed difficult child from behind and difficult child turned in his arms and the started to tussle <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/clubbing.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":clubbing:" title="clubbing :clubbing:" data-shortname=":clubbing:" />!! 1:1 said it all happened in seconds and he was there in the middle before anything <em>really </em>happened. It was difficult child's idea to go and speak with the principal because he believed he was "set upon". </p><p> </p><p>The teacher let 1:1 handle it because they really caught it before anything more than a shove each happened. So I spoke to difficult child and he sounded calm by that time and was waiting for the principal to return. While we were talking, the principal returned and difficult child said, "mom, I gotta go, Mr. K is here." He sounded find, believing he was in his rights by a defense of self defense.</p><p> </p><p>So, I get a call about 30 mintues later from difficult child's case manager and she said we need to have a meeting to do a BIP. I told her difficult child had one. I told her I gave her a copy of it the first time we met in September. Apparently she could not put her hands on it and it was hand-written so is not part of his computer file. She said that since they couldn't find it and he didn't (they thought) have one, he was put in ISS for three days rather than automatic suspension for fighting!</p><p> </p><p>So we proceeded to find a day and time to meet, she wanted to do it fast, fast, fast. I have a busy week and can't get to it until next week (the kids are off on Friday). The principal was walking through her office and asked to speak with me. We talked for awhile and I let him know I had spoken to 1:1. I asked him what difficult child's reaction was when he told him he had to spend the next few days in ISS. He said that difficult child actually handled himself really well. He didn't shut down, explained everything and shared his opinion.</p><p> </p><p>He said that he told both boys that fighting was usually an automatic suspension, but since he didn't have his paperwork in order, it would be iss instead. Naturally, difficult child would rather have regular suspension and stay home. </p><p> </p><p>He is plagued with feelings of unfairness because he feels he responded in self defence. Now, the principal said that since difficult child had a 1:1, he was leaving it up to the 1:1 in regards to his length of physical presence in the "third floor iss room with a uniformed officer". His tech teacher has offered his room and the library is also an option for some of the time.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child has told me in the past about the third floor as a place where the bad kids go <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/slap.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":slap:" title="slap :slap:" data-shortname=":slap:" />. When I told difficult child he could have gone "down" and yelled for help he told me everyone would think is was a wuss (sp). He said he was just defending himself.</p><p> </p><p>I told him that I would not punish him at home on the condition that he compliantly went to the third floor and "did his time" and was respectful. I also told him that I expected him to learn from this and just move on. there are always other options.</p><p> </p><p>Just this weekend in our town two young men got into a fight after eating. They took the fight outside the little bistro and were really going at it. 911 was called and one of the guys ended up in the hospital. Then, Sunday afternoon, he died. I told difficult child this story. I told him you always have options and what the most important thing to remember is that you have a choice. </p><p> </p><p>We have talked on and off this evening. He's not happy, but I told him that's life. </p><p> </p><p>Perhaps it will be a really strong lesson. It is his first suspension since October of 2004 (his third grade year) and his first ISS ever. He is really unhappy <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/badmood.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":badmood:" title="bad mood :badmood:" data-shortname=":badmood:" />.</p><p> </p><p>I hope this has a positive outcome. </p><p> </p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 122231, member: 805"] So, after five months of really settling into middle school, difficult child had his first referral today :nonono:. I got a call from his 1:1 this afternoon where he and difficult child were sitting in the office waiting for the principal. Seems difficult child was at the printer in class waiting for his paper. Another boy, one he never had any conflict with, got up on him and put his face in front of difficult child. difficult child told him to "back away". Other kid figured, this is 1:1's take, that difficult child wasn't going to tell him what to do so he shoved difficult child in the back. difficult child turned around and shoved him back and turned back to the printer. Kid then grabbed difficult child from behind and difficult child turned in his arms and the started to tussle :clubbing:!! 1:1 said it all happened in seconds and he was there in the middle before anything [I]really [/I]happened. It was difficult child's idea to go and speak with the principal because he believed he was "set upon". The teacher let 1:1 handle it because they really caught it before anything more than a shove each happened. So I spoke to difficult child and he sounded calm by that time and was waiting for the principal to return. While we were talking, the principal returned and difficult child said, "mom, I gotta go, Mr. K is here." He sounded find, believing he was in his rights by a defense of self defense. So, I get a call about 30 mintues later from difficult child's case manager and she said we need to have a meeting to do a BIP. I told her difficult child had one. I told her I gave her a copy of it the first time we met in September. Apparently she could not put her hands on it and it was hand-written so is not part of his computer file. She said that since they couldn't find it and he didn't (they thought) have one, he was put in ISS for three days rather than automatic suspension for fighting! So we proceeded to find a day and time to meet, she wanted to do it fast, fast, fast. I have a busy week and can't get to it until next week (the kids are off on Friday). The principal was walking through her office and asked to speak with me. We talked for awhile and I let him know I had spoken to 1:1. I asked him what difficult child's reaction was when he told him he had to spend the next few days in ISS. He said that difficult child actually handled himself really well. He didn't shut down, explained everything and shared his opinion. He said that he told both boys that fighting was usually an automatic suspension, but since he didn't have his paperwork in order, it would be iss instead. Naturally, difficult child would rather have regular suspension and stay home. He is plagued with feelings of unfairness because he feels he responded in self defence. Now, the principal said that since difficult child had a 1:1, he was leaving it up to the 1:1 in regards to his length of physical presence in the "third floor iss room with a uniformed officer". His tech teacher has offered his room and the library is also an option for some of the time. difficult child has told me in the past about the third floor as a place where the bad kids go :slap:. When I told difficult child he could have gone "down" and yelled for help he told me everyone would think is was a wuss (sp). He said he was just defending himself. I told him that I would not punish him at home on the condition that he compliantly went to the third floor and "did his time" and was respectful. I also told him that I expected him to learn from this and just move on. there are always other options. Just this weekend in our town two young men got into a fight after eating. They took the fight outside the little bistro and were really going at it. 911 was called and one of the guys ended up in the hospital. Then, Sunday afternoon, he died. I told difficult child this story. I told him you always have options and what the most important thing to remember is that you have a choice. We have talked on and off this evening. He's not happy, but I told him that's life. Perhaps it will be a really strong lesson. It is his first suspension since October of 2004 (his third grade year) and his first ISS ever. He is really unhappy :badmood:. I hope this has a positive outcome. Sharon [/QUOTE]
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