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General Parenting
How can I leave my dysfunctional marriage?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 641512" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>from the sound of things, I strongly urge you to seek advice from a domestic violence group. There are LOTS of ways to be violent without ever lifting a finger to hit someone. Start there and ask for help. It is usually free and they can help you formulate a plan, find a lawyer and housing and help, even find help via social services and programs to help women reenter the workforce. </p><p></p><p>It won't be easy but it is possible. PLEASE don't say 'but he never hit me' as that is so far from the only kind of violence that it isn't even a teensy bit funny. It sounds like your husband is abusive in his own difficult child way and leaving with-o a plan for safety is incredibly dangerous. Thinking that he will lose control over you will enrage him, and leaving is the most dangerous time. You truly cannot be too careful or too safety minded in this situation. I know of a lady who's husband never once hit her or physically harmed her, he just was emotionally and verbally violent and controlling. She left. He went to a place she shopped at, dumped gas on her and set her on fire. Right there in public. He had NEVER hurt her before and tried to say he 'just lost it', but you don't carry gas in a soda bottle if you just lost it. Or carry a lighter when you are not a smoker. That takes planning. few people thought he would hurt her, just yell and make things ugly. She almost died. Her parents still have a hard time filling up the tank on their cars because just the odor of gas causes flashbacks. A local service station that is a bit out of the way gives them a discount on full serve gas for another year (total of five years of charging the self serve price for full service) so that they don't have to pump the gas because it is so hard for them to do. (Smaller towns are great, in my opinion.) </p><p></p><p>PLEASE take care, get help and have a safety plan as you leave. You have NO idea what a difficult child will do when he thinks he is losing control over you. Your kids NEED you, and all of you need to be safe. PLEASE reach out for help from a DV center. You really cannot be too careful or protect yourself too much in this situation with a difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 641512, member: 1233"] from the sound of things, I strongly urge you to seek advice from a domestic violence group. There are LOTS of ways to be violent without ever lifting a finger to hit someone. Start there and ask for help. It is usually free and they can help you formulate a plan, find a lawyer and housing and help, even find help via social services and programs to help women reenter the workforce. It won't be easy but it is possible. PLEASE don't say 'but he never hit me' as that is so far from the only kind of violence that it isn't even a teensy bit funny. It sounds like your husband is abusive in his own difficult child way and leaving with-o a plan for safety is incredibly dangerous. Thinking that he will lose control over you will enrage him, and leaving is the most dangerous time. You truly cannot be too careful or too safety minded in this situation. I know of a lady who's husband never once hit her or physically harmed her, he just was emotionally and verbally violent and controlling. She left. He went to a place she shopped at, dumped gas on her and set her on fire. Right there in public. He had NEVER hurt her before and tried to say he 'just lost it', but you don't carry gas in a soda bottle if you just lost it. Or carry a lighter when you are not a smoker. That takes planning. few people thought he would hurt her, just yell and make things ugly. She almost died. Her parents still have a hard time filling up the tank on their cars because just the odor of gas causes flashbacks. A local service station that is a bit out of the way gives them a discount on full serve gas for another year (total of five years of charging the self serve price for full service) so that they don't have to pump the gas because it is so hard for them to do. (Smaller towns are great, in my opinion.) PLEASE take care, get help and have a safety plan as you leave. You have NO idea what a difficult child will do when he thinks he is losing control over you. Your kids NEED you, and all of you need to be safe. PLEASE reach out for help from a DV center. You really cannot be too careful or protect yourself too much in this situation with a difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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