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How can l stop feeling sorry for my 21 year old??
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764848" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>One of the things that happens to mothers in our situation is that we begin to live our lives located in our children. We make pleasure, functioning, and ease, contingent on something happening in them. If they exhibit hopefulness, motivation, etc. we feel happy. If they don't we feel negatively. It becomes like an addiction. Our feeling good depends upon something external, not a pill, not liquor, not gambling, but the behaviors of our children. </p><p></p><p>And it gets worse. We regress. We no longer identify with our capacities, our skills, our achievements. We feel helpless, hopeless, and dependent. It is as if we become traumatized children, dependent upon rescue. And the improvement of our kids we identify as the only thing that will rescue.</p><p></p><p> I know this sounds dramatic, but I believe it is so.</p><p></p><p>I don't think it is possible to change this dynamic without psychotherapy, intense involvement with a faith tradition, or joining with a group of parents either here, or a group like Families Anonymous, such as Nomad mentions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764848, member: 18958"] One of the things that happens to mothers in our situation is that we begin to live our lives located in our children. We make pleasure, functioning, and ease, contingent on something happening in them. If they exhibit hopefulness, motivation, etc. we feel happy. If they don't we feel negatively. It becomes like an addiction. Our feeling good depends upon something external, not a pill, not liquor, not gambling, but the behaviors of our children. And it gets worse. We regress. We no longer identify with our capacities, our skills, our achievements. We feel helpless, hopeless, and dependent. It is as if we become traumatized children, dependent upon rescue. And the improvement of our kids we identify as the only thing that will rescue. I know this sounds dramatic, but I believe it is so. I don't think it is possible to change this dynamic without psychotherapy, intense involvement with a faith tradition, or joining with a group of parents either here, or a group like Families Anonymous, such as Nomad mentions. [/QUOTE]
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How can l stop feeling sorry for my 21 year old??
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