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How can l stop feeling sorry for my 21 year old??
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<blockquote data-quote="ANewLife4Me" data-source="post: 764849" data-attributes="member: 32799"><p>I definitely agree, some sort of support is definitely needed to get through this, it’s a never ending battle with ourselves to find any sort of joy just for us solely.</p><p></p><p>It’s a bit harder for me as we have limited funds, did a telehealth through my husbands work but, it just did not do anything for me. My biggest success has been Allison Bottke book - Setting Boundaries With Our Adult Children - opened my eyes so much more than seeing the telehealth psychiatrist. I had found another book - When Your Adult Child Breaks Your Heart by Joel Young, these were my Bible during the very first days of deciding to go no contact. I also have health issues and use a walker to get around when I do go out.</p><p></p><p>For each of us we will choose different paths and hopefully will lead us all to a place of peace. Depending on where you are there is also Nami who has support groups run solely by families going through the same crisis as you are. I signed up to attend but have not gotten to the point of going.</p><p></p><p>After all my strength in reading those books….guess what??? My son and I also have an off and on relationship. We were in the very beginning’s of getting back together when his cat Thunder was in the process of dying and he wanted to put him down so as not to suffer. Thunder used to be all our families pet before my son moved out on his own, it was a very emotional time and my husband and I were very weak. He asked if we would pay the $550. for euthanize and we reluctantly said yes. Well there went all my strength right out the window! <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face :sob:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png" data-shortname=":sob:" /> Then because he paid over a thousand at the emergency vet the day before asked us for another loan of $1500. Again we said yes.</p><p></p><p>This is why in Allison book she tells of setting up every possible scenario and making a plan. I did this with my daughter and not for my son, felt I had no need too.</p><p></p><p>But it’s what you said, we base their joy and sorrow as our own. My son called me everyday violently crying over putting Thunder to sleep. While a very sad situation, I felt needed and made me happy in such tragedy. But! Now he has passed this emotional hurdle and we are back to not hearing from him so much, promises he made that are not coming true…..again. And yet again, the owing of money back to us. I cannot tell him how deeply this hurts for fear of not paying us back.</p><p></p><p>I will now set up a plan for my son as well, was totally caught off guard and won’t let that happen again. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😔" title="Pensive face :pensive:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f614.png" data-shortname=":pensive:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ANewLife4Me, post: 764849, member: 32799"] I definitely agree, some sort of support is definitely needed to get through this, it’s a never ending battle with ourselves to find any sort of joy just for us solely. It’s a bit harder for me as we have limited funds, did a telehealth through my husbands work but, it just did not do anything for me. My biggest success has been Allison Bottke book - Setting Boundaries With Our Adult Children - opened my eyes so much more than seeing the telehealth psychiatrist. I had found another book - When Your Adult Child Breaks Your Heart by Joel Young, these were my Bible during the very first days of deciding to go no contact. I also have health issues and use a walker to get around when I do go out. For each of us we will choose different paths and hopefully will lead us all to a place of peace. Depending on where you are there is also Nami who has support groups run solely by families going through the same crisis as you are. I signed up to attend but have not gotten to the point of going. After all my strength in reading those books….guess what??? My son and I also have an off and on relationship. We were in the very beginning’s of getting back together when his cat Thunder was in the process of dying and he wanted to put him down so as not to suffer. Thunder used to be all our families pet before my son moved out on his own, it was a very emotional time and my husband and I were very weak. He asked if we would pay the $550. for euthanize and we reluctantly said yes. Well there went all my strength right out the window! 😭 Then because he paid over a thousand at the emergency vet the day before asked us for another loan of $1500. Again we said yes. This is why in Allison book she tells of setting up every possible scenario and making a plan. I did this with my daughter and not for my son, felt I had no need too. But it’s what you said, we base their joy and sorrow as our own. My son called me everyday violently crying over putting Thunder to sleep. While a very sad situation, I felt needed and made me happy in such tragedy. But! Now he has passed this emotional hurdle and we are back to not hearing from him so much, promises he made that are not coming true…..again. And yet again, the owing of money back to us. I cannot tell him how deeply this hurts for fear of not paying us back. I will now set up a plan for my son as well, was totally caught off guard and won’t let that happen again. 😔 [/QUOTE]
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How can l stop feeling sorry for my 21 year old??
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