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<blockquote data-quote="mymulligan" data-source="post: 609726" data-attributes="member: 17061"><p>Dear Midwest Mom, for some reason I read your post first so I would like to answer it first as it is fresh in my head. We are in an open adoption and I know his bio parents VERY well. I also know their sibs, HIS sibs and here is what I know: Major addiction issues in both birth mother and bio father. diagnosis'd ADHD and dyslexia in bio father (and a couple of his brothers/my kids uncles). Possible learning disability in birth mother but she is very bright and good natured. Just continually has issues with her own siblings mostly based in her addiction issues.</p><p></p><p>She used crack at least once in first trimester (before she knew she was pregnant) and possibly more but doubtful it was much more because she was on parole and getting tested weekly. And get this, she brought me with her to meet her parole officer so she could tell me she only had ONE "dirty drop" as they call it. She did smoke cigarettes though she really tried to cut way back and she drank in the third trimester at a party, she said it was one drink. The smoking and drinking who really knows but I feel ok about the crack exposure given that he had nothing in his system at birth. He did have one small kidney and apparently the genital/urinary tract is the first thing to develop in a fetus so I always thought the early exposure caused that too.</p><p></p><p>Milestones: Sat up, crawled and walked on time. Well never walked....but ran on time <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />, speech a little delayed and conversational/pragmatic language never very strong but after years of speech they said he doesn't need it anymore and that his speech issues are directly related to his brain just being all jumbled sometimes. #1 trained very quickly and easily at 3 (I waited because i felt it would be a nightmare to push him) but number #2 was very very late. like age 5. Teeth came in late. Was in CPSE and early intervention for sensory seeking (Occupational Therapist (OT) and Speech) for years and had a SEIT in 3's and 4's (including camp) because of his impulsivity. We live in a very progressive area with a great school district.</p><p>VERY VERY VERY PICKY EATER. Only eats like five things, all highly processed and easy to chew. I noticed in his 4's he was a sensory avoider in certain areas and that became worse as his seeking became better. He NEVER cried when he got hurt but now he does thank god. He has friends his own age and a year younger but older kids think he's a great kid. He's always been super comfortable in his own skin and decidedly un neurotic LOL unlike me. He's gorgeous (seriously all eyelashes and blue eyes and blonde hair) so I think that helps him a lot with the big kids, the girls, the moms LOL Hey looks arent' everything but they can help! Thank god for small favors right?</p><p></p><p>I 100% agree in the genetic thing. I was always a nature v nurture thing and now i just think the best we can do is nurture the nature.</p><p></p><p>The only other things I would mention that seemed off are 1. He was not an affectionate baby. 2. He was a GREAT self soother (bottle) and GREAT sleeper. Both which are kind of good but kind of weird? 3. He had a kind of flat affect very early on but ALWAYS made amazing eye contact. And that changed at about 6 months and then he was very expressive. OH OH OH and this was always odd. He definitely was most comfortable hyper extending his neck. It was almost crazy whatit looked like sometimes! He also slept like that. Now he's not as pronounced with that but he does still sleep with his head a little back. I always thought that was weird.</p><p></p><p>He's a brilliant swimmer and LOVES being underwater. Like a much older kid with water. Dives etc... Thank god for this I hope he will join a swim team.</p><p></p><p>OH and i forgot one thing. I had to put him in pullups at 11 months because I had to change him standing up anyway he would NEVER lay down to be changed. I think they said it was propiosensory or whatever. </p><p></p><p>OH MY AND THE MOST CRAZY THING OF ALL: He has ALWAYS ALWAYS needed his head bounced or squeezed to get to sleep.</p><p></p><p>WOW, now that i've written it all down it does give a weird picture doesn't it!?</p><p></p><p>Can't wait to hear your thoughts. Hoping we can talk about the adoption stuff too. My husband was in hallway too!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mymulligan, post: 609726, member: 17061"] Dear Midwest Mom, for some reason I read your post first so I would like to answer it first as it is fresh in my head. We are in an open adoption and I know his bio parents VERY well. I also know their sibs, HIS sibs and here is what I know: Major addiction issues in both birth mother and bio father. diagnosis'd ADHD and dyslexia in bio father (and a couple of his brothers/my kids uncles). Possible learning disability in birth mother but she is very bright and good natured. Just continually has issues with her own siblings mostly based in her addiction issues. She used crack at least once in first trimester (before she knew she was pregnant) and possibly more but doubtful it was much more because she was on parole and getting tested weekly. And get this, she brought me with her to meet her parole officer so she could tell me she only had ONE "dirty drop" as they call it. She did smoke cigarettes though she really tried to cut way back and she drank in the third trimester at a party, she said it was one drink. The smoking and drinking who really knows but I feel ok about the crack exposure given that he had nothing in his system at birth. He did have one small kidney and apparently the genital/urinary tract is the first thing to develop in a fetus so I always thought the early exposure caused that too. Milestones: Sat up, crawled and walked on time. Well never walked....but ran on time :), speech a little delayed and conversational/pragmatic language never very strong but after years of speech they said he doesn't need it anymore and that his speech issues are directly related to his brain just being all jumbled sometimes. #1 trained very quickly and easily at 3 (I waited because i felt it would be a nightmare to push him) but number #2 was very very late. like age 5. Teeth came in late. Was in CPSE and early intervention for sensory seeking (Occupational Therapist (OT) and Speech) for years and had a SEIT in 3's and 4's (including camp) because of his impulsivity. We live in a very progressive area with a great school district. VERY VERY VERY PICKY EATER. Only eats like five things, all highly processed and easy to chew. I noticed in his 4's he was a sensory avoider in certain areas and that became worse as his seeking became better. He NEVER cried when he got hurt but now he does thank god. He has friends his own age and a year younger but older kids think he's a great kid. He's always been super comfortable in his own skin and decidedly un neurotic LOL unlike me. He's gorgeous (seriously all eyelashes and blue eyes and blonde hair) so I think that helps him a lot with the big kids, the girls, the moms LOL Hey looks arent' everything but they can help! Thank god for small favors right? I 100% agree in the genetic thing. I was always a nature v nurture thing and now i just think the best we can do is nurture the nature. The only other things I would mention that seemed off are 1. He was not an affectionate baby. 2. He was a GREAT self soother (bottle) and GREAT sleeper. Both which are kind of good but kind of weird? 3. He had a kind of flat affect very early on but ALWAYS made amazing eye contact. And that changed at about 6 months and then he was very expressive. OH OH OH and this was always odd. He definitely was most comfortable hyper extending his neck. It was almost crazy whatit looked like sometimes! He also slept like that. Now he's not as pronounced with that but he does still sleep with his head a little back. I always thought that was weird. He's a brilliant swimmer and LOVES being underwater. Like a much older kid with water. Dives etc... Thank god for this I hope he will join a swim team. OH and i forgot one thing. I had to put him in pullups at 11 months because I had to change him standing up anyway he would NEVER lay down to be changed. I think they said it was propiosensory or whatever. OH MY AND THE MOST CRAZY THING OF ALL: He has ALWAYS ALWAYS needed his head bounced or squeezed to get to sleep. WOW, now that i've written it all down it does give a weird picture doesn't it!? Can't wait to hear your thoughts. Hoping we can talk about the adoption stuff too. My husband was in hallway too!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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