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How do you cope?
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<blockquote data-quote="Snow White" data-source="post: 703331" data-attributes="member: 355"><p>Welcome, Concerned. I'm just trying to catch up on posts from the weekend. You've already received such great responses (and resource material). I've learned that there are no 'wrong' feelings when it comes to dealing with our children. We don't always approach things from the same angle or at the same time. </p><p></p><p>We've been working with our daughter's mental health issues since very early childhood. She's had the best resources/treatment possible but once she hit 18 years of age, she walked away from all the mental health services she was entitled to. At that point, we had to make the decision to not allow her to live in our home anymore. But we continued to support (enable) her for 7 years, rationalizing that each support of her "dramas" would be the last one and that she would figure things out. I came back to this site recently and have finally conceded that we need to detach in order live with some sanity. </p><p></p><p></p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">I don't travel back to the past as much anymore. My daughter's behaviour is angry, devious and malicious - so much so that the little girl I cuddled in a rocking chair doesn't exist anymore. She is making adult decisions and I am powerless to intervene.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">I think we've all encountered the friends & relatives who don't understand and/or are judgmental. We keep things pretty close to the heart when it comes to discussing details about our daughter. We have a small family to begin with, so that helps. Our immediate circle of friends is well-acquainted with our circumstances and have never judged us to our face. </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">I'm still trying to get over the feeling of failure. That is probably the reason it has taken so long to detach. Fear, obligation and guilt are huge barriers that we all need to move past. Posting here and reading others' posts is so helpful to me. There is no judgment - just solid advice and big shoulders to lean on! </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Only you will know when it is right to detach - and it might not happen all at once...everyone approaches it from their comfort level. I have tried to detach before, only to backslide because of F.O.G. It's like quitting an addiction for me. The first few times is tough but then I see the difference in my daughter's response and I know that it is having a positive effect. The world hasn't come crashing down on daughter's world. In fact, she is managing quite well without my enabling.</li> </ul><p>Your son is seeing a therapist and I think that's great! My daughter won't. My husband and I are going to go for therapy - perhaps that is something that would help you and your husband??</p><p></p><p>{Hugs to you}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Snow White, post: 703331, member: 355"] Welcome, Concerned. I'm just trying to catch up on posts from the weekend. You've already received such great responses (and resource material). I've learned that there are no 'wrong' feelings when it comes to dealing with our children. We don't always approach things from the same angle or at the same time. We've been working with our daughter's mental health issues since very early childhood. She's had the best resources/treatment possible but once she hit 18 years of age, she walked away from all the mental health services she was entitled to. At that point, we had to make the decision to not allow her to live in our home anymore. But we continued to support (enable) her for 7 years, rationalizing that each support of her "dramas" would be the last one and that she would figure things out. I came back to this site recently and have finally conceded that we need to detach in order live with some sanity. [LIST] [*]I don't travel back to the past as much anymore. My daughter's behaviour is angry, devious and malicious - so much so that the little girl I cuddled in a rocking chair doesn't exist anymore. She is making adult decisions and I am powerless to intervene. [*]I think we've all encountered the friends & relatives who don't understand and/or are judgmental. We keep things pretty close to the heart when it comes to discussing details about our daughter. We have a small family to begin with, so that helps. Our immediate circle of friends is well-acquainted with our circumstances and have never judged us to our face. [*]I'm still trying to get over the feeling of failure. That is probably the reason it has taken so long to detach. Fear, obligation and guilt are huge barriers that we all need to move past. Posting here and reading others' posts is so helpful to me. There is no judgment - just solid advice and big shoulders to lean on! [*]Only you will know when it is right to detach - and it might not happen all at once...everyone approaches it from their comfort level. I have tried to detach before, only to backslide because of F.O.G. It's like quitting an addiction for me. The first few times is tough but then I see the difference in my daughter's response and I know that it is having a positive effect. The world hasn't come crashing down on daughter's world. In fact, she is managing quite well without my enabling. [/LIST] Your son is seeing a therapist and I think that's great! My daughter won't. My husband and I are going to go for therapy - perhaps that is something that would help you and your husband?? {Hugs to you} [/QUOTE]
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