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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Dad34" data-source="post: 765456" data-attributes="member: 32757">Beta, In my case it has been more than a year since I've seen my daughter (also 34 yo), and the last I heard from her on the phone was last summer (when she was in another crisis, unfortunately). She did message me through facebook in December but she no longer responds there either. I miss her terribly, every day. In some ways its a relief to not have the phone ringing in the middle of the night regarding the next crisis. That had become a major stress point for me. But in other says it is obviously tragic and overwhelming to contemplate the loss of who my beautiful daughter was when she was younger, loss of what a parent naturally hopes for for their child (relationship with her, enjoying life with her, etc.), and the detachment that is necessary to sustain sanity but which also goes against our nature as parents. I haven't given up hope for my daughter, but I can't cling to it too tightly either; it's better to turn her over to God.A few things that help me include: 1) Seeking refuge in God. Having an addicted, adult child has turned that counsel from abstract theory into critical reality...hiding in God, my high tower; learning to walk with God on a daily, even moment by moment basis. Seeking is an active word, not passive. It takes effort but what other choice is there in order to preserve our own lives? Meditating and praying through verses like Isaiah 26:3-4, Philippians 4:4-8, Psalms 46 and 63, and others, is critical, as is having gratitude for what we do have and exercising lengthy prayer; 2) Al Anon literature has been helpful, especially the "One Day at a Time" booklet. Even though it is primarily for families of alcoholics, I think it is applicable to families of loved ones with other addictions too (for example, drug addiction). The three C's...”I didn’t cause, can’t control, and can’t cure the disease of alcoholism [or drug addiction]. The 12 steps, and especially the first three (1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God... Also, the Serenity Prayer is extremely helpful. Finally, 3) reading this website frequently (almost daily) has been a lifesaver for me. So much of the wisdom from other parents on this website who are struggling with the same issues has been so helpful, as well as simply knowing I am not alone in this terrible situation.I am praying for you, your family, and your son.BlessingsDad34</blockquote>

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