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General Parenting
How do you deal with your difficult child's insults, etc?
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 492949" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>No, I totally understand. I ended up being way too lenient with Matt because of the same reason, and it is something I regret, because I don't think he had enough structure or repercussion for negative choices. Later it became harder and harder to give consequences, and he had less and less self control. It seems if he had more consequences he would have had more inner discipline.</p><p></p><p>So, in my opinion, I would sit down with him, and get him to agree with you that certain things are not OK in a house where we love and respect people. I would write them down on a list together, and maybe he can even decorate it so that he is buying into the whole process.</p><p>Things I would include on there is no kicking of furniture, no hitting, etc. You know basic safety rules.</p><p></p><p>Then I would draw an arrow from the action to the consequence.</p><p>For example:</p><p>Hit ------> no tv for the night</p><p>Kick furniture ------> no legos for the night</p><p></p><p>When that is all said and done, post it on the fridge or in his room. If he starts to meltdown, like I said ignore it, but do give him a reminder about the rules when he is having a meltdown, and what happens if he doesn't have a safe tantrum. If he does break one of the rules, wait until he has cooled off, and then take him in your lap and explain to him that because he broke that rule, that mean he wasn't safe, and there has to be a consequence. He might start badgering you, and manipulating you, and even melting down again, but reassure him that you are going to hold firm regardless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 492949, member: 3301"] No, I totally understand. I ended up being way too lenient with Matt because of the same reason, and it is something I regret, because I don't think he had enough structure or repercussion for negative choices. Later it became harder and harder to give consequences, and he had less and less self control. It seems if he had more consequences he would have had more inner discipline. So, in my opinion, I would sit down with him, and get him to agree with you that certain things are not OK in a house where we love and respect people. I would write them down on a list together, and maybe he can even decorate it so that he is buying into the whole process. Things I would include on there is no kicking of furniture, no hitting, etc. You know basic safety rules. Then I would draw an arrow from the action to the consequence. For example: Hit ------> no tv for the night Kick furniture ------> no legos for the night When that is all said and done, post it on the fridge or in his room. If he starts to meltdown, like I said ignore it, but do give him a reminder about the rules when he is having a meltdown, and what happens if he doesn't have a safe tantrum. If he does break one of the rules, wait until he has cooled off, and then take him in your lap and explain to him that because he broke that rule, that mean he wasn't safe, and there has to be a consequence. He might start badgering you, and manipulating you, and even melting down again, but reassure him that you are going to hold firm regardless. [/QUOTE]
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How do you deal with your difficult child's insults, etc?
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