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General Parenting
How do you deal with your difficult child's insults, etc?
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 494431" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>Haha, no, Wee is 9. I'll fix that! lol</p><p></p><p>In the beginning, we tried to identify triggers and minimize them. He couldn't handle the grocery store, so we moved heaven and earth not to take him. We just avoided situations that triggered meltdowns<em> for a while</em> It had gotten to the point that anything even remotely "scary" to him would result in a meltdown. It was like a knee jerk reaction. Almost a habit. This is what you do when you aren't in control of something. And if he did happen to meltdown, we absolutely ignored him. Walked away from him. Maybe even dropped what we were doing and left the house to ignore him. Of course, this didn't work for school because they wouldn't get on board, but we did it at home.</p><p></p><p>Once we got rid of the meltdown as a <em>habit</em>, we started bringing back those triggers, one at a time, as much as we could control. </p><p></p><p>Going to the store was a HUGE issue for him, so we started by talking about it and what the expectations were at the store. Then we made a big production of making a list. One item on the list for him, and one item for me. And we went to the store E.V.E.R.Y. S.I.N.G.L.E. D.A.Y. And regardless of what happened, we bought what was on our list. no more, no less. And he learned to handle it. Then we expanded the list. 2 items for me, 1 for him. Eventually we started changing the list. No items for me, 1 for him. Or 1 item for me, none for him. And no matter what, THE LIST was in control. And he learned it was ok, and he learned to handle it, and now I can take him grocery shopping or even to walmart.</p><p></p><p>But when we were in the thick of it, when he was so hyper-sensitive that every teeny little trigger resulted in a massive meltdown, there was no way to ever work on any thing. It was all just too overwhelming. </p><p></p><p>School has finally gotten on board and gave him 1 teacher and 1 aid, and guess what? Now, after a year, he feels safe and is expanding his horizons. He works with his mainstream teacher really well now. He has even handled some subs. The aid occasionally leaves the classroom, and frequently works with other kids in the room instead of sticking to him. She's there, but not on top of him. And again, this didn't happen in the overwhelming (but normal) world for him. 5 or 6 different people in one day was too much in the beginning, and every little nuance or slightly different expectation or way of doing things was just too much and set him off. </p><p></p><p>Does that make any sense at all?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 494431, member: 1848"] Haha, no, Wee is 9. I'll fix that! lol In the beginning, we tried to identify triggers and minimize them. He couldn't handle the grocery store, so we moved heaven and earth not to take him. We just avoided situations that triggered meltdowns[I] for a while[/I] It had gotten to the point that anything even remotely "scary" to him would result in a meltdown. It was like a knee jerk reaction. Almost a habit. This is what you do when you aren't in control of something. And if he did happen to meltdown, we absolutely ignored him. Walked away from him. Maybe even dropped what we were doing and left the house to ignore him. Of course, this didn't work for school because they wouldn't get on board, but we did it at home. Once we got rid of the meltdown as a [I]habit[/I], we started bringing back those triggers, one at a time, as much as we could control. Going to the store was a HUGE issue for him, so we started by talking about it and what the expectations were at the store. Then we made a big production of making a list. One item on the list for him, and one item for me. And we went to the store E.V.E.R.Y. S.I.N.G.L.E. D.A.Y. And regardless of what happened, we bought what was on our list. no more, no less. And he learned to handle it. Then we expanded the list. 2 items for me, 1 for him. Eventually we started changing the list. No items for me, 1 for him. Or 1 item for me, none for him. And no matter what, THE LIST was in control. And he learned it was ok, and he learned to handle it, and now I can take him grocery shopping or even to walmart. But when we were in the thick of it, when he was so hyper-sensitive that every teeny little trigger resulted in a massive meltdown, there was no way to ever work on any thing. It was all just too overwhelming. School has finally gotten on board and gave him 1 teacher and 1 aid, and guess what? Now, after a year, he feels safe and is expanding his horizons. He works with his mainstream teacher really well now. He has even handled some subs. The aid occasionally leaves the classroom, and frequently works with other kids in the room instead of sticking to him. She's there, but not on top of him. And again, this didn't happen in the overwhelming (but normal) world for him. 5 or 6 different people in one day was too much in the beginning, and every little nuance or slightly different expectation or way of doing things was just too much and set him off. Does that make any sense at all? [/QUOTE]
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