I don't know what to say. You've barred your souls for me, and,yes, it REALLY helped me see this straight.
My sibs don't care about the money. They have plenty (more than me). My brother was/is a momma's boy---momma could do no wrong. He is 51, lives alone in an apartment, never owned anything in his life, although he is obviously a millionaire. He has never gone anywhere or had a relationship. He has Crohn's Disease and has limited his own life because he doesn't want to subject anyone to his illness. I felt so sorry for him for so long, and then acknowledged his bravery--he works full time, never took disability, and has considerable pain. However, he has given up on himself. I know several people with Crohns who are married with children, but he's just a very strange person. I highly suspect Aspergers (he was very advanced at a very young age and never had any friends--everyone made fun of him). I was his friend. As long as I was close to momma's beloved child, she was ok with me. She totally favored him.
My sister's need is to be the "favored" child. That's it. She wants everyone to see her as the good girl. My mother used to pick her up from college, drop her off at her apartment, and run off to see her boyfriend, leaving my sister alone, even on holidays. My sister would call ME when she needed help. She did it so often that my ex used to tell me to lie to her about how I can't help her, but she was my baby sister and I always tried.
My mom was a control freak and I dared to bring up the obvious mental illness and other problems on the family tree. Also, my grandmother favored me and would take my side. Because my grandmother took my side, I was known as "not caring about grandma." How? Well, even though I called her every day, took her shopping, spent quality time with her for her entire life, I "made her nervous and sick with your problems." Huh??? I never understand that and never will. My sister didn't speak to my grandma for years. It really hurt my grandma. Then when she because ill, my sister finally visited her in the hospital and my mom acted as if SHE were saintly towards my grandmother because she gave her a few years. When my beloved grandma passed on, my mom gave all of my grandma's furniture to my sister and upholstered it for her!!! Writing this is clensing...lol. It shows me how warped this was. My grandma favorted ME.
Yet my grandma also favored my biological son because he was "blood" and made it clear that, whatever I thought, she would leave money only to him, and not the other two children. Even though I know she loved me, she wanted to "stick it" to me, maybe because I adopted two kids and she thought I shouldn't have. I don't really know. I don't doubt her love, so how sick is this?
I am very grateful to all of you. This has given me a lot to chew on. It will be easier to work through this now. Since my mom's death two years ago it has been eating me alive. I need to go back to wear I was years ago when I decided "why do I care what they think?" I do miss my sister's company--she can be fun--however, it brings up bad memories when I talk to her. Also, she has the weird tendency to call the police on me when she's angry. She lives in Illinois, I live in WIsconsin, but she'l call MY police to say I'm "harassing" her. HUH? The police here (all two of them...lol) are my friends and clearly think she's nuts. I think she's trying to control me when she calls the cops. She doesn't call the cops of people in her community whom she doesn't like or who make her mad. LOL, thanks for giving me a chance to see how sick this is, how much I don't need it!!!
Hugs to all of you and please--keep the stories coming. I wish I could help all of you more--I will try harder.
