Another big thanks. This will help me get over the hump.
A long time ago, when I divorced, I meant a really quirky, strange and not-always-pleasant man, but something drew me to him even though he was strange (maybe my own strangeness?) LOL. When I told him about my family, he asked why I cared what they thought of me and why I even bothered with them? I was shocked. To me, well, this was FAMILY! You didn't stop talking to your family. He told me, "I refuse to talk to people who aren't nice to me. I don't care if it's my mother, my brother, my sister. You should be treated nicely."
After that conversation, I stopped caring and really moved on. The issue did not come back until my mother's death and when I saw the reaction of my siblings to my mom's treatment of me. It brought back all the hurt, but I don't need it. I need to hold my head up and move on from this crazy family. I feel somewhat sorry for my brother. He really has no life. I harbor some revenge feelings towards my sister. I know so much dirt on her--how she thought her husband gave her herpes (yes, he slept with her without telling her), about her two abortions, about her cocaine use--sometimes I want to blow her perfect cover in her town by telling people about her. Yet that would make me worse than all of them. I don't want to spend one more day worrying about these flawed people who never understood me and never will and who in my opinion needed my mother's approval in spite of who she was. Maybe they didn't see her the way I did--who knows? And who cares?
I'm thinking of going to some 12 Step meetings to refresh my memory on "letting go and letting God." No, I have never been a substance abuser, but the message works for so many things and right now I could use a little in-person support. I am grateful to all of you in this community.
Lastly, if you sent me a PM, I sent one back, but I'm not sure how it works. Please let me know if you didn't get one and I'll try again. (((Big hugs to all)))
