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General Parenting
How do you handle failed classes (ADHD)? Do you take away anything ?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 634216" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Confused, we all learn with trial and error, also in parenting <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Sometimes one just needs to give themselves a little shake and make sure we stay open to different kind of possibilities or methods. It is so easy to get stuck to doing one thing again and again even if it doesn't work and only makes everyone more and more frustrated. I found ti helpful to stop every now and then and try to brainstorm as many different ways to do things with my kids as possible and after that tried to be open and try to do things differently if what we were doing wasn't working. At times that yielded much better results and ways that actually worked instead of just staying bullheadedly stuck to that one method which was the 'right way of doing things' or 'how things had always been done' or something like that. </p><p></p><p>There I'm from, kids have very short school days (usually 3 to 5 hours at elementary school, up to six hours at mid school and really depends at High school), so for us it was easier to let our boys to have some outside playing time before homework and make it working schedule. If the days are longer it is easily so that, either play time gets so short, it is difficult to get a kid back inside, or homework time gets so late, that kid is already tired. So if that doesn't work for you, maybe some easier to control break before homework? Does he like to be read to? Maybe giving him snack and then cuddling with him and reading one chapter from the book and after that starting homework? It was something that worked with both my kids to unwind. Or even helping you with some easy chore? Just throwing some ideas here.</p><p></p><p>And even if making him do homework in smaller pieces doesn't work maybe it could still help him to organize it a bit for him. I mean basically sitting down with him, asking what homework does he have, and then helping him plan what he does first and how, how long that takes and what he does then and so on. Organizing can be difficult to any 8 year-old, even more so for one with ADHD. Helping him plan the homework time also teaches him to plan and makes homework much more manageable for him. </p><p></p><p>Do you think he has right amount of homework? How much he has daily? How long it takes him to do it (and how long would it take, if he would do it efficiently)? In our schools there is a kind of rule, that in elementary school, homework should not take over half an hour a day and usually it is less and most Fridays there are no homework. I do know you work your kids harder than we do, but if you feel it takes your son too long to do his homework, that is something you should talk with his teacher. Ask her how long it should take to do the homework and if your son takes much longer, maybe ask, if some of the homework could be skipped (often there are some busywork involved, that is not actually needed to learn.) Prolonged battles over homework don't make kids learn. They make both kids and parents miserable and make kids hate school. Also it is useful to remember that in your son's age, he should learn to read, write and do little bit of math, everything else is something he can catch up very quickly any time at future. If school work gives him trouble, it may help to focus on things that he actually needs to learn and let the other stuff more or less slide. But these are of course things you need to discuss with his teacher. </p><p></p><p>It is trial and error with our unique kids, but it helps when you keep your mind open to many different options. Then if something simply doesn't work, ditch that and try something else. And when something works for your son and for you, keep that. And when you find some things that work for you, it becomes easier to guess, what kind of methods and tactics will work and what don't. Just don't let a neighbour or the mom of the superkid on your kid's class or someone else like that to tell you, that you are doing everything wrong and their method would work to every child and also your child, if you would just be consistent or whatever. Their method may be worth the try, but not worth sticking with, if it doesn't work with your kid.</p><p></p><p>I have one kid with whom some things worked somewhat, some quite well and many, many things not at all. Some were disastrous. And I have another kid with whom most everything we ever tried work either well or super well. it would had been very easy to be super smart supermom of the superkid, if I only had my youngest <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> Though I sincerely believe that having to work hard with parenting because of my oldest, I was better parent also for my easy child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 634216, member: 14557"] Confused, we all learn with trial and error, also in parenting :) Sometimes one just needs to give themselves a little shake and make sure we stay open to different kind of possibilities or methods. It is so easy to get stuck to doing one thing again and again even if it doesn't work and only makes everyone more and more frustrated. I found ti helpful to stop every now and then and try to brainstorm as many different ways to do things with my kids as possible and after that tried to be open and try to do things differently if what we were doing wasn't working. At times that yielded much better results and ways that actually worked instead of just staying bullheadedly stuck to that one method which was the 'right way of doing things' or 'how things had always been done' or something like that. There I'm from, kids have very short school days (usually 3 to 5 hours at elementary school, up to six hours at mid school and really depends at High school), so for us it was easier to let our boys to have some outside playing time before homework and make it working schedule. If the days are longer it is easily so that, either play time gets so short, it is difficult to get a kid back inside, or homework time gets so late, that kid is already tired. So if that doesn't work for you, maybe some easier to control break before homework? Does he like to be read to? Maybe giving him snack and then cuddling with him and reading one chapter from the book and after that starting homework? It was something that worked with both my kids to unwind. Or even helping you with some easy chore? Just throwing some ideas here. And even if making him do homework in smaller pieces doesn't work maybe it could still help him to organize it a bit for him. I mean basically sitting down with him, asking what homework does he have, and then helping him plan what he does first and how, how long that takes and what he does then and so on. Organizing can be difficult to any 8 year-old, even more so for one with ADHD. Helping him plan the homework time also teaches him to plan and makes homework much more manageable for him. Do you think he has right amount of homework? How much he has daily? How long it takes him to do it (and how long would it take, if he would do it efficiently)? In our schools there is a kind of rule, that in elementary school, homework should not take over half an hour a day and usually it is less and most Fridays there are no homework. I do know you work your kids harder than we do, but if you feel it takes your son too long to do his homework, that is something you should talk with his teacher. Ask her how long it should take to do the homework and if your son takes much longer, maybe ask, if some of the homework could be skipped (often there are some busywork involved, that is not actually needed to learn.) Prolonged battles over homework don't make kids learn. They make both kids and parents miserable and make kids hate school. Also it is useful to remember that in your son's age, he should learn to read, write and do little bit of math, everything else is something he can catch up very quickly any time at future. If school work gives him trouble, it may help to focus on things that he actually needs to learn and let the other stuff more or less slide. But these are of course things you need to discuss with his teacher. It is trial and error with our unique kids, but it helps when you keep your mind open to many different options. Then if something simply doesn't work, ditch that and try something else. And when something works for your son and for you, keep that. And when you find some things that work for you, it becomes easier to guess, what kind of methods and tactics will work and what don't. Just don't let a neighbour or the mom of the superkid on your kid's class or someone else like that to tell you, that you are doing everything wrong and their method would work to every child and also your child, if you would just be consistent or whatever. Their method may be worth the try, but not worth sticking with, if it doesn't work with your kid. I have one kid with whom some things worked somewhat, some quite well and many, many things not at all. Some were disastrous. And I have another kid with whom most everything we ever tried work either well or super well. it would had been very easy to be super smart supermom of the superkid, if I only had my youngest ;) Though I sincerely believe that having to work hard with parenting because of my oldest, I was better parent also for my easy child. [/QUOTE]
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