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Family of Origin
How much did you cry? And do you think they cried over you?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 667414" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Well, that's the thing, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Predatory value systems.</p><p></p><p>You are not your own; you are a thing I own. That is the feel of things, in my family of origin. <em>When I am vulnerable, it is possible to disparage and destroy that thing I am that they own.</em></p><p></p><p>So, they are destroying that role I played, for them.</p><p></p><p>Once again, as it always does turn out to be in abusive situations, nothing in the world to do with the me I actually am.</p><p></p><p>Huh.</p><p></p><p>When I have been hurt in some way that leaves me questioning myself (like when the kids were so troubled), that is when the dialogue in my family of origin regarding myself (and especially, D H) changed. It could be that we were carrying pride or success for the family of origin, and when the kids were not able or willing to follow the paths we all believed they would follow, that grace position was taken by my sister's family.</p><p></p><p>That could be, in a culture of scarcity family.</p><p></p><p>But I think their responses to what happened to the family D H and I had created was meaner than that.</p><p></p><p>Yes. I am certain it was meaner than that.</p><p></p><p>Isn't that something.</p><p></p><p>Probably there is no one answer to why things are as they are. I am losing interest in my family of origin. They are not frightening or fascinating to me in the way that they were, once. I don't have that same dinner imagery, anymore. There is still a table, in that imagery. There is still linen, but it is brilliant gold/yellow.</p><p></p><p>Before, it was snowy white.</p><p></p><p>The lights are off, in that room where the table is.</p><p></p><p>Very dusty, in there now.</p><p></p><p>Candles are burning, though.</p><p></p><p>White candles.</p><p></p><p>Sweet and innocent intent, then.</p><p></p><p>The crystal glassware seems to have been replaced with Tupperware.</p><p></p><p>Ha!</p><p></p><p>What to hay.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Little kids use Tupperware glasses. Maybe those candles are burning for my sibs.</p><p></p><p>That would be a fine thing.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/getwell.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":getwell:" title="getwell :getwell:" data-shortname=":getwell:" /></p><p></p><p>That would be me, to my sibs.</p><p></p><p>If I can do it, you can do it, too.</p><p></p><p>But since the lights are off, I must not be expecting them any time soon.</p><p></p><p>Still, this is a good intention to hold, for my sibs. An ethical one for me to hold for myself, too.</p><p></p><p>Good.</p><p></p><p>I don't need to worry that I am going to get stuck in anger and bitterness.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/consoling.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":consoling:" title="consoling :consoling:" data-shortname=":consoling:" /></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are right, Serenity. We are coming through this well.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /> <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /> <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's us.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 667414, member: 17461"] Well, that's the thing, Copa. Predatory value systems. You are not your own; you are a thing I own. That is the feel of things, in my family of origin. [I]When I am vulnerable, it is possible to disparage and destroy that thing I am that they own.[/I] So, they are destroying that role I played, for them. Once again, as it always does turn out to be in abusive situations, nothing in the world to do with the me I actually am. Huh. When I have been hurt in some way that leaves me questioning myself (like when the kids were so troubled), that is when the dialogue in my family of origin regarding myself (and especially, D H) changed. It could be that we were carrying pride or success for the family of origin, and when the kids were not able or willing to follow the paths we all believed they would follow, that grace position was taken by my sister's family. That could be, in a culture of scarcity family. But I think their responses to what happened to the family D H and I had created was meaner than that. Yes. I am certain it was meaner than that. Isn't that something. Probably there is no one answer to why things are as they are. I am losing interest in my family of origin. They are not frightening or fascinating to me in the way that they were, once. I don't have that same dinner imagery, anymore. There is still a table, in that imagery. There is still linen, but it is brilliant gold/yellow. Before, it was snowy white. The lights are off, in that room where the table is. Very dusty, in there now. Candles are burning, though. White candles. Sweet and innocent intent, then. The crystal glassware seems to have been replaced with Tupperware. Ha! What to hay. Cedar Little kids use Tupperware glasses. Maybe those candles are burning for my sibs. That would be a fine thing. :getwell: That would be me, to my sibs. If I can do it, you can do it, too. But since the lights are off, I must not be expecting them any time soon. Still, this is a good intention to hold, for my sibs. An ethical one for me to hold for myself, too. Good. I don't need to worry that I am going to get stuck in anger and bitterness. :consoling: You are right, Serenity. We are coming through this well. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: That's us. :O) [/QUOTE]
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How much did you cry? And do you think they cried over you?
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