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How to deal with guilt tripping
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 734718" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Skittles,</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for what you are dealing with. I'm not sure if you are familiar with the term FOG - (fear, obligation, guilt)</p><p>I think you are stuck in the FOG but you are at the edge where the light is trying to shine through.</p><p></p><p>The "MOM" in us always wants to be able to help our kids. It's just part of our DNA. Where this gets warped is when our adult children use our love and our emotions against us.</p><p></p><p>The biggest thing is you realize you are being manipulated. That in and of itself is huge! Coming out of the FOG does not happen overnight. Learning to say NO and sticking to it is a skill we have to learn. It's not like we are telling a three year old "no, you can't have cookie before dinner". We are telling our adult difficult children NO, we are not going to bail you out, we are not going to rescue you, we are not going to pay your bills, we are not going to make everything in your world okay.</p><p></p><p>We each come into our own time of letting go. What I can tell you is you will get there! There was a time for me when I was so consumed with guilt I didn't think I would ever get over it. I'm proof that you can. I'm proof that you can go on to live a happy life free from the "mother's guilt"</p><p></p><p>Our difficult adult children are just that, they are adults. We as their parents are not responsible for them or the choices they make. Instead of taking responsibility for their own lives and actions they want to keep us in the "mom comes to the rescue" role. They are very good at knowing how to push our buttons. They know how to use our emotions against us. Helping them is not "helping" them. They need to learn how to navigate their lives on their own. We as their parents will not be around forever and the sooner they detach from us and we detach from them the better.</p><p></p><p>YOU MATTER!!! Be good to yourself. Try and do one thing each day that is just for you. Simple things, buy yourself some flowers, take a long bubble bath, rent a movie, feed the ducks at the park, go for a walk, buy an ice cream cone, etc....... anything that is just for YOU. No guilt attached.</p><p>You have every right to live your life as you see fit and to be happy.</p><p></p><p>I'm very glad you found us here. Keep posting and let us know how things are going.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 734718, member: 18516"] Hi Skittles, I'm so sorry for what you are dealing with. I'm not sure if you are familiar with the term FOG - (fear, obligation, guilt) I think you are stuck in the FOG but you are at the edge where the light is trying to shine through. The "MOM" in us always wants to be able to help our kids. It's just part of our DNA. Where this gets warped is when our adult children use our love and our emotions against us. The biggest thing is you realize you are being manipulated. That in and of itself is huge! Coming out of the FOG does not happen overnight. Learning to say NO and sticking to it is a skill we have to learn. It's not like we are telling a three year old "no, you can't have cookie before dinner". We are telling our adult difficult children NO, we are not going to bail you out, we are not going to rescue you, we are not going to pay your bills, we are not going to make everything in your world okay. We each come into our own time of letting go. What I can tell you is you will get there! There was a time for me when I was so consumed with guilt I didn't think I would ever get over it. I'm proof that you can. I'm proof that you can go on to live a happy life free from the "mother's guilt" Our difficult adult children are just that, they are adults. We as their parents are not responsible for them or the choices they make. Instead of taking responsibility for their own lives and actions they want to keep us in the "mom comes to the rescue" role. They are very good at knowing how to push our buttons. They know how to use our emotions against us. Helping them is not "helping" them. They need to learn how to navigate their lives on their own. We as their parents will not be around forever and the sooner they detach from us and we detach from them the better. YOU MATTER!!! Be good to yourself. Try and do one thing each day that is just for you. Simple things, buy yourself some flowers, take a long bubble bath, rent a movie, feed the ducks at the park, go for a walk, buy an ice cream cone, etc....... anything that is just for YOU. No guilt attached. You have every right to live your life as you see fit and to be happy. I'm very glad you found us here. Keep posting and let us know how things are going. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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