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How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 622056" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Have you tried to contact NAMI? The National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online. They have chapters everywhere and they have excellent support for parents. They have some parent courses you can sign up for. Here in No. Ca. they have an offshot agency which I found so helpful. I just showed up at an ongoing support group. My daughter was never diagnosed but fits many kinds of illnesses, and the Social Workers there were wonderful to me, just the empathy they had made a huge difference.</p><p></p><p>You are floating in a sea of insanity and now you and your wife are alone without your parents, I am so sorry for that, I do understand that level of isolation. </p><p></p><p>Here is my suggestion for simply health purposes. What helped me with stress and to get my self in to a state of deeper relaxation was acupuncture. It can bring your whole system back into balance and allow you to rest. Try to clean up your diets, avoid sugar, limit alcohol and get enough sleep. Basic stuff but it all helps. Take some multi vitamins with B-complex which helps with stress. Take a good quality Omega 3, fish oil. My fiance and I take off at least one day a week, usually on Saturday, just to get out of Dodge for a day helps so much. I found as I got further away from home, something inside of me could let go and I could begin to relax, even if it were just for that one day, it gave me the strength to motor on when I was in the middle of the worst of it. We often go to the ocean, the city or take a drive, just the two of us. You have GOT to take care of yourselves and put your needs first. You can't help anyone, including your grandkids if you are depleted and worn out. You are both grieving heavy losses and you're in the middle of a battlefield,<strong> you must take care of yourselves. </strong>If you can't find any groups, show up at a Codependency 12 step Group in your area. I did that too. I just told my story to anyone who would listen and I got support and empathy and it helped. Find space in your lives for a little laughter and play, we all need that. You won't be able to stay the course unless you bring some joy into your lives.</p><p></p><p>Go out to dinner with your wife once a week, just the two of you. </p><p></p><p>And, since incarceration is a reason for your custody, and she continues to steal from you, it's HIGHLY likely she will steal again. Can't you press charges at that point? </p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry. I can feel your pain and exhaustion and grief flying off the page. When I took my granddaughter, my marriage ended, I had to fight my daughter in court for guardianship, my granddaughter needed so much help, CPS was involved, I didn't think I would make it through, so I get where you're coming from. But like me, you'll put one foot in front of the other and keep doing that until you find a ledge you can rest on for a little while...............and then continue. And, one day, you will have made all the choices, gone through the grief, felt the feelings...............and you will breathe a sigh of relief..............you will have gotten through and you will be okay. Take this one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. </p><p></p><p>If you are a reader there are two books I've just read which helped me to see a different perspective and it brought me much comfort............the books are Living Beautifully by Pema Chodron and Comfortable with Uncertainty by the same author. If it feels right, check them out. </p><p></p><p>I will pray for you and your wife and your grandkids and your daughter........wishing you peace of mind and hoping you find some solace............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 622056, member: 13542"] Have you tried to contact NAMI? The National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online. They have chapters everywhere and they have excellent support for parents. They have some parent courses you can sign up for. Here in No. Ca. they have an offshot agency which I found so helpful. I just showed up at an ongoing support group. My daughter was never diagnosed but fits many kinds of illnesses, and the Social Workers there were wonderful to me, just the empathy they had made a huge difference. You are floating in a sea of insanity and now you and your wife are alone without your parents, I am so sorry for that, I do understand that level of isolation. Here is my suggestion for simply health purposes. What helped me with stress and to get my self in to a state of deeper relaxation was acupuncture. It can bring your whole system back into balance and allow you to rest. Try to clean up your diets, avoid sugar, limit alcohol and get enough sleep. Basic stuff but it all helps. Take some multi vitamins with B-complex which helps with stress. Take a good quality Omega 3, fish oil. My fiance and I take off at least one day a week, usually on Saturday, just to get out of Dodge for a day helps so much. I found as I got further away from home, something inside of me could let go and I could begin to relax, even if it were just for that one day, it gave me the strength to motor on when I was in the middle of the worst of it. We often go to the ocean, the city or take a drive, just the two of us. You have GOT to take care of yourselves and put your needs first. You can't help anyone, including your grandkids if you are depleted and worn out. You are both grieving heavy losses and you're in the middle of a battlefield,[B] you must take care of yourselves. [/B]If you can't find any groups, show up at a Codependency 12 step Group in your area. I did that too. I just told my story to anyone who would listen and I got support and empathy and it helped. Find space in your lives for a little laughter and play, we all need that. You won't be able to stay the course unless you bring some joy into your lives. Go out to dinner with your wife once a week, just the two of you. And, since incarceration is a reason for your custody, and she continues to steal from you, it's HIGHLY likely she will steal again. Can't you press charges at that point? I am so very sorry. I can feel your pain and exhaustion and grief flying off the page. When I took my granddaughter, my marriage ended, I had to fight my daughter in court for guardianship, my granddaughter needed so much help, CPS was involved, I didn't think I would make it through, so I get where you're coming from. But like me, you'll put one foot in front of the other and keep doing that until you find a ledge you can rest on for a little while...............and then continue. And, one day, you will have made all the choices, gone through the grief, felt the feelings...............and you will breathe a sigh of relief..............you will have gotten through and you will be okay. Take this one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. If you are a reader there are two books I've just read which helped me to see a different perspective and it brought me much comfort............the books are Living Beautifully by Pema Chodron and Comfortable with Uncertainty by the same author. If it feels right, check them out. I will pray for you and your wife and your grandkids and your daughter........wishing you peace of mind and hoping you find some solace............ [/QUOTE]
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