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How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 638709" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Since reading through the original post, I have not seen any ideas on theft prevention so having dealt with it I will pitch in here. The first thing I would recommend is to get a safety deposit box. Then put in it of it anything of monetary value and important paperwork. Second, get a credit card with a very low limit on it for day to day expenses. Next, if you go to your states website, under consumer affairs, they will tell you how to inexpensively put a credit freeze to prevent <em>identity theft, </em>with that in place, (they give you a pin number - no monthly re-occurring charges) now keep the pin number and the higher limit card in the safety deposit box. You can still do your monthly charges going on the higher card but your difficult child will no longer have immediate access to the higher credit limit. Then get a post office box and change your credit card billings to this new address to prevent difficult child to getting a hold of the CC numbers. </p><p>I went the credit freeze route because I didn't want to be the one to "choose" if my difficult child went to jail for identity theft. </p><p>Also, if you suspect drug use, you must put an end to giving difficult child ANY money. Buy "the thing" but don't give money. Gas - NOPE - ride to grocery store - Yes. </p><p>It sounds as if you have been a good provider for your family and because of your daughter's health issues you are having a hard time not being a "good provider". She is an adult and should be treated as such. Her using you to get money doesn't effect what kind of provider you are, that is something you earned and keep the label for no matter what difficult child says or how she behaves towards you.</p><p>I differ from some on here because I do believe in "playing the game", so to speak but playing it to MY advantage when I am being invited to "play" Having said that - in your situation I wouldn't be above bribery - if you go sign up for social services i.e. housing, I will do this for you.</p><p>Another effective game maneuver for me is to lie through my teeth and say, when it comes up, we haven't got the money. We have "played" and poor-mouthed ourselves. When we have been talking and money comes up we commiserated or say oh yeah this or that big bill has just come up so we know how tough it is. We chose this way as it can be exhausting to get it through a difficult child's thick head the word NO. They just keep chipping away at you until NO becomes YES. They use control, manipulations, flattery, demeaning behavior, debasing you - whatever until they can wear you down from no to yes. </p><p>So say difficult child asks for money - right now you can say - No, Christmas is coming up and we are saving to buy the grandchildren Christmas gifts.</p><p></p><p>From reading your posts I feel you started out with a very sick young girl and have always had a lot of anxiety about her long term health so maybe, over time she has become a spoiled brat ALWAYS getting her own way and now you are trying to reverse that. I don't really know if that is something you are willing to give up just yet. (others here have given you great direction on how to get there and you are very open to trying new ways of doing things) However, you can take small steps to protect yourself from being stolen from again. In fact, notifying your family what has happened to the two of you is the first step also in protecting others from being victims of her actions. And that is a big step in just for you, calling her out on what she is - a thief that has no qualms about stealing from her own family.</p><p>Ironically my difficult child are right now in No Contact because I won't apologize for speaking the truth about how much money she stole from me and I have been told to no contact her until I am ready to apologize. Fat chance. I am not going to apologize to some for THEM stealing from me (Cray-Cray as the young people say)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 638709, member: 18366"] Since reading through the original post, I have not seen any ideas on theft prevention so having dealt with it I will pitch in here. The first thing I would recommend is to get a safety deposit box. Then put in it of it anything of monetary value and important paperwork. Second, get a credit card with a very low limit on it for day to day expenses. Next, if you go to your states website, under consumer affairs, they will tell you how to inexpensively put a credit freeze to prevent [I]identity theft, [/I]with that in place, (they give you a pin number - no monthly re-occurring charges) now keep the pin number and the higher limit card in the safety deposit box. You can still do your monthly charges going on the higher card but your difficult child will no longer have immediate access to the higher credit limit. Then get a post office box and change your credit card billings to this new address to prevent difficult child to getting a hold of the CC numbers. I went the credit freeze route because I didn't want to be the one to "choose" if my difficult child went to jail for identity theft. Also, if you suspect drug use, you must put an end to giving difficult child ANY money. Buy "the thing" but don't give money. Gas - NOPE - ride to grocery store - Yes. It sounds as if you have been a good provider for your family and because of your daughter's health issues you are having a hard time not being a "good provider". She is an adult and should be treated as such. Her using you to get money doesn't effect what kind of provider you are, that is something you earned and keep the label for no matter what difficult child says or how she behaves towards you. I differ from some on here because I do believe in "playing the game", so to speak but playing it to MY advantage when I am being invited to "play" Having said that - in your situation I wouldn't be above bribery - if you go sign up for social services i.e. housing, I will do this for you. Another effective game maneuver for me is to lie through my teeth and say, when it comes up, we haven't got the money. We have "played" and poor-mouthed ourselves. When we have been talking and money comes up we commiserated or say oh yeah this or that big bill has just come up so we know how tough it is. We chose this way as it can be exhausting to get it through a difficult child's thick head the word NO. They just keep chipping away at you until NO becomes YES. They use control, manipulations, flattery, demeaning behavior, debasing you - whatever until they can wear you down from no to yes. So say difficult child asks for money - right now you can say - No, Christmas is coming up and we are saving to buy the grandchildren Christmas gifts. From reading your posts I feel you started out with a very sick young girl and have always had a lot of anxiety about her long term health so maybe, over time she has become a spoiled brat ALWAYS getting her own way and now you are trying to reverse that. I don't really know if that is something you are willing to give up just yet. (others here have given you great direction on how to get there and you are very open to trying new ways of doing things) However, you can take small steps to protect yourself from being stolen from again. In fact, notifying your family what has happened to the two of you is the first step also in protecting others from being victims of her actions. And that is a big step in just for you, calling her out on what she is - a thief that has no qualms about stealing from her own family. Ironically my difficult child are right now in No Contact because I won't apologize for speaking the truth about how much money she stole from me and I have been told to no contact her until I am ready to apologize. Fat chance. I am not going to apologize to some for THEM stealing from me (Cray-Cray as the young people say) [/QUOTE]
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