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How to even talk on the phone with my son....
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657076" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Nope.</p><p></p><p>You need a time away from this time that is killing you. </p><p></p><p>You are in a tight little space right now, where you know already what will happen, next. We already know what your son will do. He is doing it. For his sake and for yours, I think you should take the trip. That is a way to change things. He may throw a tantrum and take a dive. Or, he may take care of himself and put his affairs and his life in order.</p><p></p><p>But without some change, there is no room for any of that to happen.</p><p></p><p>Regarding how we feel about ourselves as we begin this new thing called detachment parenting: Child of Mine posts to us about sitting with the feelings. Just sitting with them. No turning away, no grovelling in there. An acknowledgement that we are doing a difficult thing, that we are creating change, that we love our children, and that we are doing something hard that we don't know how to do.</p><p></p><p>It is a very hard thing when someone we love is self destructing. There is not one easy thing about it.</p><p></p><p>But you have us now, Copa. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You have done all you can. </p><p></p><p>Legally or any other way, unless you decide to devote your lives to the care and feeling of a practicing addict, you have spoken your piece and your son has refused. Now, you need to cherish yourself through the letting go of the outcome part. </p><p></p><p>"I love my son. I have done all I can. Addiction is a terminal disease. There is no villain here. If my love could cure him, he would be better already. My task is to let go of outcome."</p><p></p><p>There is nothing more for you to do, Copa. Which of us is it who tells us that if we say the same thing more than twice, we are ~ oh, I forgot how she says it. The gist of it is that we are being drawn in, that we are not staying centered, when we do that.</p><p></p><p>Another of us posts that she always thinks twice before saying nothing.</p><p></p><p>That is what we need to do too, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Think twice and say nothing. Let go of outcome.</p><p> </p><p>Here is something beautiful I saw, once. It was a hot day. The Southern sun heliographing off everything and the ocean that shocking shade of blue it is on a perfect day. A motorcycle, and a beautiful Latina with flying hair and not wearing many clothes.</p><p></p><p>But oh she was a beautiful thing to see!</p><p></p><p>That is what your Tango makes me think of. Smoky nightclubs, red dresses and white candles and those long, thin cigars and red lipstick and beautiful, perfect teeth.</p><p></p><p>You should definitely do it, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657076, member: 17461"] Nope. You need a time away from this time that is killing you. You are in a tight little space right now, where you know already what will happen, next. We already know what your son will do. He is doing it. For his sake and for yours, I think you should take the trip. That is a way to change things. He may throw a tantrum and take a dive. Or, he may take care of himself and put his affairs and his life in order. But without some change, there is no room for any of that to happen. Regarding how we feel about ourselves as we begin this new thing called detachment parenting: Child of Mine posts to us about sitting with the feelings. Just sitting with them. No turning away, no grovelling in there. An acknowledgement that we are doing a difficult thing, that we are creating change, that we love our children, and that we are doing something hard that we don't know how to do. It is a very hard thing when someone we love is self destructing. There is not one easy thing about it. But you have us now, Copa. You have done all you can. Legally or any other way, unless you decide to devote your lives to the care and feeling of a practicing addict, you have spoken your piece and your son has refused. Now, you need to cherish yourself through the letting go of the outcome part. "I love my son. I have done all I can. Addiction is a terminal disease. There is no villain here. If my love could cure him, he would be better already. My task is to let go of outcome." There is nothing more for you to do, Copa. Which of us is it who tells us that if we say the same thing more than twice, we are ~ oh, I forgot how she says it. The gist of it is that we are being drawn in, that we are not staying centered, when we do that. Another of us posts that she always thinks twice before saying nothing. That is what we need to do too, Copa. Think twice and say nothing. Let go of outcome. Here is something beautiful I saw, once. It was a hot day. The Southern sun heliographing off everything and the ocean that shocking shade of blue it is on a perfect day. A motorcycle, and a beautiful Latina with flying hair and not wearing many clothes. But oh she was a beautiful thing to see! That is what your Tango makes me think of. Smoky nightclubs, red dresses and white candles and those long, thin cigars and red lipstick and beautiful, perfect teeth. You should definitely do it, Copa. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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