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How to even talk on the phone with my son....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 657576" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I just told my son I was blocking his number and I will.</p><p></p><p>He had not called in the past few days. I believe he was reacting to my detaching. When I had called him to relay a message, he had been curt.</p><p></p><p>Today, our phone call had gone okay, until I set a limit. This was his response.</p><p></p><p><strong><em>"What? Are you feeling like you're talking to your abusive father", my son mocked?</em></strong></p><p><strong><em></em></strong></p><p><strong><em>"Is this bringing back traumatic memories of your Dad?" he taunted."</em></strong></p><p></p><p>I ended the call.</p><p></p><p>My son had called to chat. He wanted my advice about where he has been living the last week or so. He appreciates the stability there and the people are treating him well, he said.</p><p></p><p>More or less successfully, I tried to stay as neutral as I could, until it entered my mind that he might be making his choices based upon his end times scenario.</p><p></p><p>I told him I did not want to talk about the end times today, if that was what was influencing his decisions. He became defensive.</p><p></p><p>In a calm voice, I told him I wanted to end the call because he was interrupting me each time I spoke and treating me with hostility.</p><p></p><p>It was then that he said those mean things. My son has treated me cruelly many times before. This time, however, I could not turn away from the controlled sadism in his words and more, his tone of voice.</p><p></p><p>My son had crossed the line to become my perpetrator. It felt almost as if he was identifying with my abusive parent.</p><p></p><p>This I will not allow.</p><p></p><p>Despite this, I feel very, very sad and cannot pinpoint the reason why.</p><p></p><p>My loving child has become my perpetrator.</p><p></p><p>Increasingly he is seeing he no longer needs us. He is getting by, surviving, making his own choices. This is good.</p><p></p><p>But it appears, this self-sufficiency leads to the freedom he feels to openly hurt me....</p><p></p><p>Fine, I say. I do not want a relationship with a grown adult, based upon dependency. And then when the dependency is no longer so manifest, become the target of his latent feelings of disrespect, rage, contempt and hostility.</p><p></p><p>I am here for a relationship with my son based upon love, caring, responsibility, respect. Those are my terms.</p><p></p><p>I feel there is no way to have a dialog with someone who chooses to hurt in the way he did. I can find no other way to see it.</p><p></p><p>Then why am I so sad?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 657576, member: 18958"] I just told my son I was blocking his number and I will. He had not called in the past few days. I believe he was reacting to my detaching. When I had called him to relay a message, he had been curt. Today, our phone call had gone okay, until I set a limit. This was his response. [B][I]"What? Are you feeling like you're talking to your abusive father", my son mocked? "Is this bringing back traumatic memories of your Dad?" he taunted."[/I][/B] I ended the call. My son had called to chat. He wanted my advice about where he has been living the last week or so. He appreciates the stability there and the people are treating him well, he said. More or less successfully, I tried to stay as neutral as I could, until it entered my mind that he might be making his choices based upon his end times scenario. I told him I did not want to talk about the end times today, if that was what was influencing his decisions. He became defensive. In a calm voice, I told him I wanted to end the call because he was interrupting me each time I spoke and treating me with hostility. It was then that he said those mean things. My son has treated me cruelly many times before. This time, however, I could not turn away from the controlled sadism in his words and more, his tone of voice. My son had crossed the line to become my perpetrator. It felt almost as if he was identifying with my abusive parent. This I will not allow. Despite this, I feel very, very sad and cannot pinpoint the reason why. My loving child has become my perpetrator. Increasingly he is seeing he no longer needs us. He is getting by, surviving, making his own choices. This is good. But it appears, this self-sufficiency leads to the freedom he feels to openly hurt me.... Fine, I say. I do not want a relationship with a grown adult, based upon dependency. And then when the dependency is no longer so manifest, become the target of his latent feelings of disrespect, rage, contempt and hostility. I am here for a relationship with my son based upon love, caring, responsibility, respect. Those are my terms. I feel there is no way to have a dialog with someone who chooses to hurt in the way he did. I can find no other way to see it. Then why am I so sad? [/QUOTE]
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How to even talk on the phone with my son....
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