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How to even talk on the phone with my son....
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 658040" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Copa,</p><p></p><p>this is very very hard work, agonizing really, especially in the dark of the night with the parade of horrors, as COM says.</p><p></p><p>If you could have saved him, with all of your love and all of your thinking, and all of your effort...he would have been saved 10 times over by now. Some one said that to me in my early days on the board, and it made so much sense to me, it broke through my fog. Yes...I cannot save him. If I could, it would have been done by now.</p><p></p><p>This ties into one of my favorite buddhist practices, also a breakthrough moment for me...in buddhism we try very hard to accept things...there are some core things in which the lesson is...do not struggle against these, they are inevitable, and struggling is wasteful, dishonorable almost, almost hubris. I came across these as a I settled into my seat for a long airplane flight for something for work...I was listening to Thich Nhat Hahn tapes then, and they were so soothing. I popped the headphones on and leaned back and his sweet high voice came on "you must accept that we are of a type to grow old. You must accept that we will lose the ones we love. You must accept that you will become ill. You must accept that you will die." My eyes bugged out and I ripped the headphones off...that was NOT the comfort I was expecting!</p><p></p><p>But it is so very very true.</p><p></p><p>Now sometimes I look in the mirror and see that I have lost the beauty of young womanhood, something I relied on and traded on so much...and I get a moment of panic...and then I remember, believe, that straining against that has no utility, because I will get older no matter what I do...and I let go of straining. It is such a relief.</p><p></p><p>So somewhere between those two places.."if I could have saved him he would be saved by now" and "you must accept" I found some steps on the ladder to being whole again.</p><p></p><p>You might try reading Pema Chodron, either "when things fall apart" or her book about living in turbulent times, I can't remember the title. She is a bit more accessilbe than Thich Nhat Hahn, although I love him best of all. Ironically he had a stroke in the fall and the world of modern buddhists, including me, reeled in agony...but in my heart I knew that he didn't mind at all, that he was at peace and could accept this illness and whatever followed. </p><p></p><p>That is a good good way to be. It frees you to do the important things, the things that you can actually effect.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you today,</p><p></p><p>Echolette</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 658040, member: 17269"] Copa, this is very very hard work, agonizing really, especially in the dark of the night with the parade of horrors, as COM says. If you could have saved him, with all of your love and all of your thinking, and all of your effort...he would have been saved 10 times over by now. Some one said that to me in my early days on the board, and it made so much sense to me, it broke through my fog. Yes...I cannot save him. If I could, it would have been done by now. This ties into one of my favorite buddhist practices, also a breakthrough moment for me...in buddhism we try very hard to accept things...there are some core things in which the lesson is...do not struggle against these, they are inevitable, and struggling is wasteful, dishonorable almost, almost hubris. I came across these as a I settled into my seat for a long airplane flight for something for work...I was listening to Thich Nhat Hahn tapes then, and they were so soothing. I popped the headphones on and leaned back and his sweet high voice came on "you must accept that we are of a type to grow old. You must accept that we will lose the ones we love. You must accept that you will become ill. You must accept that you will die." My eyes bugged out and I ripped the headphones off...that was NOT the comfort I was expecting! But it is so very very true. Now sometimes I look in the mirror and see that I have lost the beauty of young womanhood, something I relied on and traded on so much...and I get a moment of panic...and then I remember, believe, that straining against that has no utility, because I will get older no matter what I do...and I let go of straining. It is such a relief. So somewhere between those two places.."if I could have saved him he would be saved by now" and "you must accept" I found some steps on the ladder to being whole again. You might try reading Pema Chodron, either "when things fall apart" or her book about living in turbulent times, I can't remember the title. She is a bit more accessilbe than Thich Nhat Hahn, although I love him best of all. Ironically he had a stroke in the fall and the world of modern buddhists, including me, reeled in agony...but in my heart I knew that he didn't mind at all, that he was at peace and could accept this illness and whatever followed. That is a good good way to be. It frees you to do the important things, the things that you can actually effect. Hugs to you today, Echolette [/QUOTE]
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