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<blockquote data-quote="CAmom" data-source="post: 38886" data-attributes="member: 1835"><p>Karen, it is "funny" (I know EXACTLY what you meant...) about how we have managed to adjust to what seemed like an intolerable situation six months ago. I don't feel guilty in the least that we've managed to do this--in retrospect, we were SO co-dependent that our day-to-day lives were farily miserable. Who'd want to go back to THAT sort of existence again...</p><p></p><p>We've told our son that, when he does come home (a couple of weeks before he turns 18...), he'll be expected to go on to community college (probably NOT happening as school has never been a happy experience for him) or trade school (he's interested) or get a job. He can live at home as long as he's being compliant with the above and no drugs. We've always promised him a car for graduation, although we've made it clear all along that his use of the car will be dependent on whether or not he is complying with all the above. </p><p></p><p>We're going to be provided with family counseling prior to his return and are going to take that opportunity to put all of this in a family "contract" (we've done this in the past, and doing so was a joke, really). Living at home and the use of a car are going to be dependent on his keeping to the contract. </p><p></p><p>I have a degree of hope that some of what he's learned in this nine-month program will actually rub off and stick and think SOME has already done so. For example, when he first went into the group home, he asked us to bring him a certain soft drink and snack he loves. Going overboard, as usual, I would bring a couple of six-packs of the drink and several bags of his snack mix every week when we visited. Eventually, his easy child asked us not to do this as he wanted our son to earn his status, thus earning his snacks, along with everyone else. At first, this REALLY p-ssed him off, and he complained bitterly about the "unfairness" of it. When he was home last weekend and we were out together at a grocery store, I asked him if he wanted me to buy some of those drinks and snacks to take back since he was on status, and it would be allowed. He declined and said, "Mom, this has nothing to do with my status--we're on a daily point program and, if we earn enough points, I can shop for our OWN snacks using my OWN money. If you buy me these, and I take them back, they'll think you're still treating me like a baby!" Now I know this is a VERY baby step but it does give me hope. </p><p></p><p>Well, nonetheless, I know very well that life in his group home is nothing like the reality he will face when he's home and out in the "real" world with no PO and easy child to monitor his activities.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CAmom, post: 38886, member: 1835"] Karen, it is "funny" (I know EXACTLY what you meant...) about how we have managed to adjust to what seemed like an intolerable situation six months ago. I don't feel guilty in the least that we've managed to do this--in retrospect, we were SO co-dependent that our day-to-day lives were farily miserable. Who'd want to go back to THAT sort of existence again... We've told our son that, when he does come home (a couple of weeks before he turns 18...), he'll be expected to go on to community college (probably NOT happening as school has never been a happy experience for him) or trade school (he's interested) or get a job. He can live at home as long as he's being compliant with the above and no drugs. We've always promised him a car for graduation, although we've made it clear all along that his use of the car will be dependent on whether or not he is complying with all the above. We're going to be provided with family counseling prior to his return and are going to take that opportunity to put all of this in a family "contract" (we've done this in the past, and doing so was a joke, really). Living at home and the use of a car are going to be dependent on his keeping to the contract. I have a degree of hope that some of what he's learned in this nine-month program will actually rub off and stick and think SOME has already done so. For example, when he first went into the group home, he asked us to bring him a certain soft drink and snack he loves. Going overboard, as usual, I would bring a couple of six-packs of the drink and several bags of his snack mix every week when we visited. Eventually, his easy child asked us not to do this as he wanted our son to earn his status, thus earning his snacks, along with everyone else. At first, this REALLY p-ssed him off, and he complained bitterly about the "unfairness" of it. When he was home last weekend and we were out together at a grocery store, I asked him if he wanted me to buy some of those drinks and snacks to take back since he was on status, and it would be allowed. He declined and said, "Mom, this has nothing to do with my status--we're on a daily point program and, if we earn enough points, I can shop for our OWN snacks using my OWN money. If you buy me these, and I take them back, they'll think you're still treating me like a baby!" Now I know this is a VERY baby step but it does give me hope. Well, nonetheless, I know very well that life in his group home is nothing like the reality he will face when he's home and out in the "real" world with no PO and easy child to monitor his activities. [/QUOTE]
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