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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 750624" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p style="margin-left: 20px">I would not say anything. </p><p></p><p>Its like when Kay says she would have been happier in her country of birth and that we kidnapped her from her her home of birthj (not a good place to live for an orphan). We can't address it as it is irrational and meant to hurt. I don't feel we or you need to defend us. Your son will not accept anything you say. He is looking for a fight. Them's fighting words!</p><p></p><p>What are you going to say that he wont twist? You are sorry you gave birth? His problems are your fault because he is alive? This is not a place that I would visit. He will never let it go if you validate it as a true concern. </p><p></p><p>I would say this only. "I am sorry you feel that way." That's it. No other words or further engagement or special meal out while he blames you for his life. Its Its ridiculous. If he goes on I might add "I am not discussing this" in a calm matter of fact voice Not another word. Less is more. Let him rail on and leave or disconnect the conversation.</p><p></p><p>I don't think we do them any good by validating them when they are being insane. It just buys into their dysfunction and gives them one more excuse not to get well. "How can I get well when YOU passed along these horrible problems? Its your fault!"</p><p></p><p>Even at our most enabling time, when Kay said the ridiculous, we were good at not engaging. </p><p></p><p>I would talk to my child is he/she wants to get help or is needing advice about a healthy choice, such as getting a job or retaining services to help the situation. But not about if he should have been born. Honestly almost all people have something in the family. Should nobody have kids? That was for you, not him. I would not say anything about this to him. He is angry at the world for not giving him a free ride or for his own self made misery. I suggest not getting involved in his chaos and lack of logic and his abuse.</p><p></p><p>God bless. Stay calm. Do nothing for 24 hours to think on. Block him for now so you have peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 750624, member: 23706"] [INDENT]I would not say anything. [/INDENT] Its like when Kay says she would have been happier in her country of birth and that we kidnapped her from her her home of birthj (not a good place to live for an orphan). We can't address it as it is irrational and meant to hurt. I don't feel we or you need to defend us. Your son will not accept anything you say. He is looking for a fight. Them's fighting words! What are you going to say that he wont twist? You are sorry you gave birth? His problems are your fault because he is alive? This is not a place that I would visit. He will never let it go if you validate it as a true concern. I would say this only. "I am sorry you feel that way." That's it. No other words or further engagement or special meal out while he blames you for his life. Its Its ridiculous. If he goes on I might add "I am not discussing this" in a calm matter of fact voice Not another word. Less is more. Let him rail on and leave or disconnect the conversation. I don't think we do them any good by validating them when they are being insane. It just buys into their dysfunction and gives them one more excuse not to get well. "How can I get well when YOU passed along these horrible problems? Its your fault!" Even at our most enabling time, when Kay said the ridiculous, we were good at not engaging. I would talk to my child is he/she wants to get help or is needing advice about a healthy choice, such as getting a job or retaining services to help the situation. But not about if he should have been born. Honestly almost all people have something in the family. Should nobody have kids? That was for you, not him. I would not say anything about this to him. He is angry at the world for not giving him a free ride or for his own self made misery. I suggest not getting involved in his chaos and lack of logic and his abuse. God bless. Stay calm. Do nothing for 24 hours to think on. Block him for now so you have peace. [/QUOTE]
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