It had been my experience that conversations like these are not productive and not healing for anyone involved . For one, this stuff (making amends or allowing someone to share their experience of something ) deserves a calm, in-person setting . As soon as tempers flare, the conversation has to be tabled. It should be an honest exchange and interest in the perspective of the other party. When you need to make amends for something you feel you made a mistake on, you just state the mistake and express your wish you had been able to handle the situation differently. As soon as we defend and explain , we hand power to the other person which is a very dangerous thing to do with teens and young adults who lack the perspective, life experience, and maturity to possibly understand what we were experiencing. In the type of conversation you describe, the other person is seeking to blame. And when we blame, we are not wanting to take responsibility for our own behavior and possible misgivings. So the conversation does not lead to anything positive.
