Welcome Calgary Mom,
You may be a "new member" here but you are an old member of the "club". I appreciated reading your post. It gave me more resolve in the path I'm taking. "Not enabling adult sons". It's often our own illusion of reality that puts us in the predicaments we end up in. For me, the illusion that my sons are still caring, loving gentle young boys that I raised, is my own reality that I have to continue to work on because that's what often pangs at my heartstrings.
The reality is, the only time they "need" me is for money. I'm trash, garbage and kicked to the curb when I won't hand it out.
I have to remind myself that life, addictions, mental and emotional illness has changed them and at this point they are not working at becoming better people. In fact, I highly doubt they see themselves as the one who needs changing.
To some degree I can't blame all of this ugly pattern on my sons. After all I played a role in it too. They knew if they hounded me enough and tried to gain my pity (which quite frankly is pretty easy for most of us parents) that I'd cave and give them money. Even if they didn't come right out and ask, if I saw how pitiful, lonely and miserable they looked, I'd give them money without asking.
They may change someday and then again they may not. In the meantime, I'm working on changing me so I find value in myself to not take such abuse and disrespect.
