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How to survive at home with violent teen
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 698501" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I had to explain to my husband that if we kept doing what we were doing, we would keep getting the same results - violence and defiance. It didn't matter how consistent we were, how dedicated we were, if our son wouldn't put forth effort, nothing would make a difference. In my case, my husband worked almost 1 1/2 hours from home, meaning a 3 hour commute where I was home with the kids the entire time. I had to quit my job when our oldest was in elementary school because I had to go pick him up so very very often. When he got older, I stayed home because our youngest had severe sensory issues. My oldest usually chose after school to go after either my daughter or I. If he went after my daughter, I got between, which took a huge toll on me. </p><p></p><p>We HAD to change something because the status quo wasn't going to continue with-o me ending up hurting my son to get him to stop hurting my daughter or myself. It was becoming a very very dangerous situation for all of us. I started calling around to find a program for him. I was NOT afraid to beg for help, or for any hint of a program to help. Giving up my rights legally never needed to happen, but we were maybe a week from taking our son to a Boy's Home where he could get in depth help. I found the program by making an absolute ton of phone calls asking for help. I started with our pastor and explained the problem (briefly). I asked if he knew of a program or OF ANYONE WHO MIGHT KNOW OF A PROGRAM. That last part was what got me to the next person to call and ask. I called the school counselor at both my son's jr high and at my daughter's elementary school. I even called the school resource officers at every school when I ran out of numbers. The resource officer is a police officer stationed at a jr high or high school.</p><p></p><p>While your husband may be struggling, how hard will it be when the unthinkable happens and your son ends up in jail because someone finds out that he is violent to your daughter? I don't know what your laws are, but here in the US if you keep him at home, knowing he is regularly violent with his sister, you and/or your husband can be charged with endangering your daughter for not keeping her safe from your son. We had to deal with social services/child protection services on several occasions due to our son harming our daughter. The first time was when WE asked the pediatrician to help us report after finding my son strangling my daughter in the middle of the night. It was horrific and just terrible for every single person involved except my son. He thought it was all funny and he had a great deal of fun telling lies to the social worker. This was before we had him placed with my parents, and it did result in a lengthy hospital stay, but it was a big mess.</p><p></p><p>You may have some luck figuring out what you, as a couple, want to do when you think of the consequences of your son's actions to his future, to your daughter's future, and to your and your husband's futures. the legal consequences can be very difficult and the long term health consequences for all of you can also be significant.</p><p></p><p>I hope this helps in some small way. If you want a different result, you simply MUST change what you are doing. Anything else is insanity.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 698501, member: 1233"] I had to explain to my husband that if we kept doing what we were doing, we would keep getting the same results - violence and defiance. It didn't matter how consistent we were, how dedicated we were, if our son wouldn't put forth effort, nothing would make a difference. In my case, my husband worked almost 1 1/2 hours from home, meaning a 3 hour commute where I was home with the kids the entire time. I had to quit my job when our oldest was in elementary school because I had to go pick him up so very very often. When he got older, I stayed home because our youngest had severe sensory issues. My oldest usually chose after school to go after either my daughter or I. If he went after my daughter, I got between, which took a huge toll on me. We HAD to change something because the status quo wasn't going to continue with-o me ending up hurting my son to get him to stop hurting my daughter or myself. It was becoming a very very dangerous situation for all of us. I started calling around to find a program for him. I was NOT afraid to beg for help, or for any hint of a program to help. Giving up my rights legally never needed to happen, but we were maybe a week from taking our son to a Boy's Home where he could get in depth help. I found the program by making an absolute ton of phone calls asking for help. I started with our pastor and explained the problem (briefly). I asked if he knew of a program or OF ANYONE WHO MIGHT KNOW OF A PROGRAM. That last part was what got me to the next person to call and ask. I called the school counselor at both my son's jr high and at my daughter's elementary school. I even called the school resource officers at every school when I ran out of numbers. The resource officer is a police officer stationed at a jr high or high school. While your husband may be struggling, how hard will it be when the unthinkable happens and your son ends up in jail because someone finds out that he is violent to your daughter? I don't know what your laws are, but here in the US if you keep him at home, knowing he is regularly violent with his sister, you and/or your husband can be charged with endangering your daughter for not keeping her safe from your son. We had to deal with social services/child protection services on several occasions due to our son harming our daughter. The first time was when WE asked the pediatrician to help us report after finding my son strangling my daughter in the middle of the night. It was horrific and just terrible for every single person involved except my son. He thought it was all funny and he had a great deal of fun telling lies to the social worker. This was before we had him placed with my parents, and it did result in a lengthy hospital stay, but it was a big mess. You may have some luck figuring out what you, as a couple, want to do when you think of the consequences of your son's actions to his future, to your daughter's future, and to your and your husband's futures. the legal consequences can be very difficult and the long term health consequences for all of you can also be significant. I hope this helps in some small way. If you want a different result, you simply MUST change what you are doing. Anything else is insanity. [/QUOTE]
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