Hi, Ithurtz,
Welcome, and so sorry for your need to be here.
There are others who have been at this much longer than I, and I’m sure they’ll be around shortly. I have only recently had to completely detach from my wayward adult son of 22, because after four years of his homelessness, drug use and constantly being in trouble with the law and no change in sight, we realized there is absolutely nothing more we can do for him. We’ve tried everything and are totally spent. I’ve recently posted here about it.
This forum is a great support system and helps folks stay focused, especially when it comes to detaching, as many here have been through it. It is so easy to get sucked back into the total chaos that is drug addicted and/or mentally ill kids. Sometimes we need a reality-check and our members are great at providing it. And with kindness and no judgment, I might add.
First, detaching with love might be the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but nobody deserves to be abused by their wayward adult child. You have to respect yourself, above all else, and be firm in the realization that you most likely wouldn’t accept that behavior from anyone else; don’t accept it from your son. And keep telling yourself that you DO NOT deserve this!
I would highly suggest either some form of counseling or a support group such as al anon, which many members here find beneficial. It’s a great support system with parents who “get it.”
And lastly, this does not have to be forever. People sometimes change, get fed up with losing friends and family, homes, and jobs due to their behavior. With advice of my therapist, I was able to tell my son that we could not help him anymore, as much as we love him, but that when he is enrolled in some type of mental health or drug treatment program, he can contact us. That keeps the door open somewhat. But it’s on him now.
It‘s so very hard and we all get it, so please keep posting here. It really helps. And again, welcome.
