Hi Ithurtz,
I was having a stoic moment this morning. My dad was a big believer in “It is what it is” and I admittedly vacillate between the emotional rollercoaster of having two adult daughters on the streets and the hard reality that their choices are completely out of my control.
I know I need to process the emotions and let it out, otherwise it just festers inside. It is a sad thing when our adult children just can’t get their act together.
And it is just that- their act. No matter what script I could fantasize about them, they will do what they want. They will write their own script.
So I have to process, then I have to step back from the emotional part of it and think with my head and not my heart.
That’s not easy, but it is imperative for me to be able to live my life.
There is a contemporary Hawaiian song that plays in my head “Brothers’ got a problem and it’s deep as a wishing well, and no one else can help him but himself…..”
Deep breath.
Step away from the emotion.
Reality.
I can list many instances where late hubs and I tried to “help” our two. The reality was, they did not want help to change, to stop the craziness, to rewrite the script and clean up their act.
They wanted a free ride, so they could continue as is, on our dime, our time, our heartache.
We were unwitting actors in their play.
Boy did they play us. They knew just how to tug at our heartstrings and we bounced around like marionettes. The bouncing continued even after I put my foot down and said no more. I was still emotionally tied to their choices, their consequences, their what ifs. Still
am at times.
Insert macabre circus music.
My monkeys, not my circus.
How the heck do we get off the crazy not so merry go round?
How many years spent, how many tears shed, do we realize that sacrificing ourselves will not change our adult children’s choices?
How do we help someone who will not help themselves?
