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Husband took over
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 654785" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa, every single person in a family has a different experience and there is unfortunately a scapegoat syndrome where one person is blamed for everyeone's problems. Everyone in my family of origin had problems and they were pretty serious. I'm the one who got blamed for mine, as I was most vulnerable, but I was also the one who spoke out about my problems to others and tried to get help as early as possible and it worked. My life is good now. However else somebody else sees me, does not compare to the happiness and peace (peace is very important to me, maybe because I grew up in chaos) that I have had since I met my wonderful husband and moved to a wonderful, quiet little area. Just like the writer's sister, I'm sure the sister believes her own experience is the real truth. There is no real truth. What we all live can be very different in the same place. I wish I did not have to criticize my mother, but she was horrible to me. And it was deliberate. And it was with a cruel smile in her head. And if it wasn't like that for the others, I believe it. But I'm not here to talk about their experience in our family home. I'm here to heal myself. And venting is sometimes very cleansing.</p><p></p><p>Some people can look back and remember wonderful times in childhood. I remember only the times I did well in drama. My mother liked that. I remember a few vacations to Michigan and I en joyed them. Aside from that, I just remember getting yelled at at home and bullied at school as the one who is bullied at home is usually also bullied other places. I credit my very first best friend whom I met at thirteen for teaching me how to fight the bullies because I had never been taught how to stick up for myself and sometimes did not do it appropriately. Now I know how. And being silent is not the way.</p><p></p><p>Notate here, I am not writing a memoir about my family (although it has crossed my mind...hehe). J/K.</p><p></p><p>One of the brothers in "A Child Called It" says that "it wasn't that bad" and that his brother who wrote the book is exaggerating. He was the Golden Child. In fact, in the book, David Pelzer says that this sibling almost took on a husband role to the mother and made decisions with her. That is so typical in a dysfunctional home...that one child is considered so saintly that he can help make family decisions. I believe David Pelzer. Maybe some people don't and believe his brother. I think Mr. Plezer did abused children everywhere a huge favor by being one of the very first to speak out about such horrific abuse that some people did not even know that degree of abuse, plus being unable to get help, even exists. My take on it is, good for him!!! At least to me, David made his case and I don't think the brother's truth was David's experience. Any time a family member speaks out, there are rumblings about "he's wrong" from the others. David Pelzer has four siblings and none of them speak. That is also common in dysfunctional homes. Splits, fights, accusations of lies, namecalling, holidays spent with the new families (the ones we married into) are all symptoms of having grown up in a sick household. But we can get lucky, meet a guy like I did, and have a great self-made family <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />. We can be happy. Thank God I went for help early on. Nobody took me...I went on my own.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 654785, member: 1550"] Copa, every single person in a family has a different experience and there is unfortunately a scapegoat syndrome where one person is blamed for everyeone's problems. Everyone in my family of origin had problems and they were pretty serious. I'm the one who got blamed for mine, as I was most vulnerable, but I was also the one who spoke out about my problems to others and tried to get help as early as possible and it worked. My life is good now. However else somebody else sees me, does not compare to the happiness and peace (peace is very important to me, maybe because I grew up in chaos) that I have had since I met my wonderful husband and moved to a wonderful, quiet little area. Just like the writer's sister, I'm sure the sister believes her own experience is the real truth. There is no real truth. What we all live can be very different in the same place. I wish I did not have to criticize my mother, but she was horrible to me. And it was deliberate. And it was with a cruel smile in her head. And if it wasn't like that for the others, I believe it. But I'm not here to talk about their experience in our family home. I'm here to heal myself. And venting is sometimes very cleansing. Some people can look back and remember wonderful times in childhood. I remember only the times I did well in drama. My mother liked that. I remember a few vacations to Michigan and I en joyed them. Aside from that, I just remember getting yelled at at home and bullied at school as the one who is bullied at home is usually also bullied other places. I credit my very first best friend whom I met at thirteen for teaching me how to fight the bullies because I had never been taught how to stick up for myself and sometimes did not do it appropriately. Now I know how. And being silent is not the way. Notate here, I am not writing a memoir about my family (although it has crossed my mind...hehe). J/K. One of the brothers in "A Child Called It" says that "it wasn't that bad" and that his brother who wrote the book is exaggerating. He was the Golden Child. In fact, in the book, David Pelzer says that this sibling almost took on a husband role to the mother and made decisions with her. That is so typical in a dysfunctional home...that one child is considered so saintly that he can help make family decisions. I believe David Pelzer. Maybe some people don't and believe his brother. I think Mr. Plezer did abused children everywhere a huge favor by being one of the very first to speak out about such horrific abuse that some people did not even know that degree of abuse, plus being unable to get help, even exists. My take on it is, good for him!!! At least to me, David made his case and I don't think the brother's truth was David's experience. Any time a family member speaks out, there are rumblings about "he's wrong" from the others. David Pelzer has four siblings and none of them speak. That is also common in dysfunctional homes. Splits, fights, accusations of lies, namecalling, holidays spent with the new families (the ones we married into) are all symptoms of having grown up in a sick household. But we can get lucky, meet a guy like I did, and have a great self-made family :). We can be happy. Thank God I went for help early on. Nobody took me...I went on my own. [/QUOTE]
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