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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749110" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You handled all of this beautifully. At the hospital and with this worker.</p><p></p><p>This will be okay, New Leaf. I feel certain of it. It's one step at a time. Grandson acted bravely. So did you.</p><p></p><p>New Leaf. I want to say something that I think is important. I know right now the welfare of the kids Is central. YOUR WELFARE MATTERS. There is no right thing to do, yet. Let this happen so that all of the information is out there. It's possible there was not malice or intent to harm going on at grandparents house. We don't know yet, really. There are red flags, yes.</p><p></p><p>And I will say something very delicately here: These kids are old enough (at least the older two) where they have a place in any conversation, Both about what the courts decide to do, and they also are old enough to take responsibility to a large extent about what they choose as a course, in terms of their own behaviors and attitudes. If the older kids are not prepared to change course here, with respect to how they act, this would be hard for a woman alone to deal with. I am talking here about all of the fighting. I'm talking about the sexual acting out and what else may or may not be going on. If older grandson (s) are prepared to continue to act this way, this needs to be taken into account. We understand why they are the way they are right now. What they have gone through and how they have lived. But they have a hand in changing. Are they prepared to do so? To give it all they've got?</p><p></p><p>I would not be opening my heart and home to wild chaos and the consequences it would bring. Oldest grandson is old enough to be accountable. In my faith he would already be a man. You matter, New Leaf. You need to be part of this conversation too. Your needs. Your spirit. Your feelings. You are not just the responsible party. Your tender soul is part of this, too.</p><p></p><p>And I will say something even harder to say: You are not superman here. You don't have the resources to make this all better. Nobody would. With one child, it would be tough. With three? There will be others who come along better equipped to have this conversation with you, about the decision making process here, and how to think about this. There are no shoulds here. You are not a white knight. You are a woman alone. Should it be decided that you take the kids, there would need to be a way up front to handle this. You may or may not be equipped to do this, on a long term basis.</p><p></p><p>That the kids would want it, to live with you, cannot be the only driver in this. Of course the kids want that. They would have wanted a mother, parents who thought about their welfare too. They would have wanted stability and consistent love from a mother. You alone are not adequate to address all of their needs. This is their life, New Leaf. Nobody can step in and say abra cadabra and change it.</p><p></p><p>I am not saying, don't take this on. I'm just saying. Stay neutral right now, with respect to what it all means and what should and can happen. <em>I don't know</em> is good enough for now. Nothing more is required.</p><p></p><p>And you did not throw them out onto the street. Their parents did. That makes me mad grandfather said that. It's extremely hurtful and it's not true.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749110, member: 18958"] You handled all of this beautifully. At the hospital and with this worker. This will be okay, New Leaf. I feel certain of it. It's one step at a time. Grandson acted bravely. So did you. New Leaf. I want to say something that I think is important. I know right now the welfare of the kids Is central. YOUR WELFARE MATTERS. There is no right thing to do, yet. Let this happen so that all of the information is out there. It's possible there was not malice or intent to harm going on at grandparents house. We don't know yet, really. There are red flags, yes. And I will say something very delicately here: These kids are old enough (at least the older two) where they have a place in any conversation, Both about what the courts decide to do, and they also are old enough to take responsibility to a large extent about what they choose as a course, in terms of their own behaviors and attitudes. If the older kids are not prepared to change course here, with respect to how they act, this would be hard for a woman alone to deal with. I am talking here about all of the fighting. I'm talking about the sexual acting out and what else may or may not be going on. If older grandson (s) are prepared to continue to act this way, this needs to be taken into account. We understand why they are the way they are right now. What they have gone through and how they have lived. But they have a hand in changing. Are they prepared to do so? To give it all they've got? I would not be opening my heart and home to wild chaos and the consequences it would bring. Oldest grandson is old enough to be accountable. In my faith he would already be a man. You matter, New Leaf. You need to be part of this conversation too. Your needs. Your spirit. Your feelings. You are not just the responsible party. Your tender soul is part of this, too. And I will say something even harder to say: You are not superman here. You don't have the resources to make this all better. Nobody would. With one child, it would be tough. With three? There will be others who come along better equipped to have this conversation with you, about the decision making process here, and how to think about this. There are no shoulds here. You are not a white knight. You are a woman alone. Should it be decided that you take the kids, there would need to be a way up front to handle this. You may or may not be equipped to do this, on a long term basis. That the kids would want it, to live with you, cannot be the only driver in this. Of course the kids want that. They would have wanted a mother, parents who thought about their welfare too. They would have wanted stability and consistent love from a mother. You alone are not adequate to address all of their needs. This is their life, New Leaf. Nobody can step in and say abra cadabra and change it. I am not saying, don't take this on. I'm just saying. Stay neutral right now, with respect to what it all means and what should and can happen. [I]I don't know[/I] is good enough for now. Nothing more is required. And you did not throw them out onto the street. Their parents did. That makes me mad grandfather said that. It's extremely hurtful and it's not true. [/QUOTE]
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