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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 762291" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I once was a very codapendent person who thought I had to fix all my loved ones. I also knew I had to "help" everyone and please them even if I didn't want to. I did many things for many people that I really did not feel good about and the voice in my head told me "you are selfish if you don't do it."</p><p></p><p>You maybe sound like most codapendents...overworked, tired, and not appreciated. People like your mother in law and, yes, your son want people like you and me to do everything for them...to make all their problems go away. And we do our best to accommodate even abusive people. We'll, I did at least. </p><p></p><p>I had to go to serious therapy once a week plus a 12 Step Group to stop taking on the problems others threw at me. I literally never said "No." To anyone. Today I do just say "No." Not my monkey. Not my circus.</p><p></p><p> My relatives can do things for themselves or find another helper. Sure, they may have to PAY for that help, and I was always free of charge, but their problem was NOT mine! My kids...I no longer have any interest in saving my daughter Kay. I won't do it anymore. It did not work. Only Kay can fix Kay, not me. It's up to her. Or not. Whether or mot she does better is 100% up to her. My help doesn't help. I finally get it.</p><p></p><p>You did not ask for advice. I am telling you my story, what changed me. I look back now and think about what a fool everyone must have thought I was. The people who wanted the most from me didn't care one bit about me. I no longer say yes....but it is still hard. It always will be, but I am strong with God and I ruin to Him when I am at my weakest. I recommend a great book..."Codependent No More" bt Melody Beattie. Changed my life.</p><p></p><p>I wish you luck and send love!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 762291, member: 1550"] I once was a very codapendent person who thought I had to fix all my loved ones. I also knew I had to "help" everyone and please them even if I didn't want to. I did many things for many people that I really did not feel good about and the voice in my head told me "you are selfish if you don't do it." You maybe sound like most codapendents...overworked, tired, and not appreciated. People like your mother in law and, yes, your son want people like you and me to do everything for them...to make all their problems go away. And we do our best to accommodate even abusive people. We'll, I did at least. I had to go to serious therapy once a week plus a 12 Step Group to stop taking on the problems others threw at me. I literally never said "No." To anyone. Today I do just say "No." Not my monkey. Not my circus. My relatives can do things for themselves or find another helper. Sure, they may have to PAY for that help, and I was always free of charge, but their problem was NOT mine! My kids...I no longer have any interest in saving my daughter Kay. I won't do it anymore. It did not work. Only Kay can fix Kay, not me. It's up to her. Or not. Whether or mot she does better is 100% up to her. My help doesn't help. I finally get it. You did not ask for advice. I am telling you my story, what changed me. I look back now and think about what a fool everyone must have thought I was. The people who wanted the most from me didn't care one bit about me. I no longer say yes....but it is still hard. It always will be, but I am strong with God and I ruin to Him when I am at my weakest. I recommend a great book..."Codependent No More" bt Melody Beattie. Changed my life. I wish you luck and send love! [/QUOTE]
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