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Failure to Thrive
I am sad and at a loss
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<blockquote data-quote="MandaC" data-source="post: 765215" data-attributes="member: 32289"><p>Hi. I know exactly how you are feeling. I have a 23 year old son whos life is chaotic and thats putting it mildly. I have posted before but to cut a long story short, he has mental health problems, i think drug induced schizophrenia ( has been sectioned under the mental health act on one occassion but refuses treatment), he has been in prison twice already, both times for violent assaults, cant hold down a job , spends every penny of the money he has to survive for a month in the space of a week on alcohol, takeaways etc. He lives in a flat on his own, no television because he has pawned it twice and i refuse now to buy it back for him again. He has no friends because every friend he did have now avoid him. He only comes near me to ask for money , or to buy him food which i have done for fear of him starving. He hardly speaks to me when he is in my company and if he doesnt get his own way he turns nasty, verbally and on occasions physically abusive. I come on this site to have a read and have gained strength from knowing there are other parents in the same boat and have been given some really good advice which in general has kept me going. Today though after a particularly horrible scenario on Sunday, i feel so low, anxious for him and myself that i have spent most of the day in bed. On Sunday he appeared at my door, once again drunk and looking for money. Id had enough and gave him a few home truths at the door i.e admit you need help, agree to get the help, stop spending all your money on alcohol and stop asking me for money every day. I told him to wait outside the door and i would get my bank card and pay the taxi which he had arrived in. At that he entered my house, started calling me horrible names, personal, hurtful things, shouting and in general making me fear for my safety. So, i asked him to leave or i would call the police. At that he went for my neck , choking me ( although i didnt lose my breath ) and at the same time trying to prise my phone out my hand. He then seemed to come to his senses and stopped and agreed to leave, me paying the taxi because, well Occupational Therapist (OT) wasnt the drivers fault. I should have then phoned the police , right? Thats what everyone tells me i should do. But i dont want him to go back to prison with mental illness. I should have long ago told him to get stuffed when he asked for money. But i havnt been able to for the fear of him starving or having no electricity. After the incident on Sunday though, i have made no contact with him apart from sending him a text telling him to stay away from me and my door and that i would be aswell without him in my life as he doesnt behave like a son. Iv had no response. No apology, nothing. I feel ready now to cut all contact for the time being and stand my ground. But lts so hard. All i want is my son back to the way he used to be, gentle, caring, kind, for him to come to my house to spend time with me, not just to ask for my money, to not have to live in fear of his violence. Its really depressing. Every night , hes in my dreams but its him when he was younger, when everything was normal and good. I think perhaps your post was an old post and i dont know what your situation is now ( hopefully better) but i thought i would reply anyway. Only we know how hard it is and although im not giving any advice here because im still in this process of trying to be strong , trying to not give in to him , myself it does help i think to know your not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MandaC, post: 765215, member: 32289"] Hi. I know exactly how you are feeling. I have a 23 year old son whos life is chaotic and thats putting it mildly. I have posted before but to cut a long story short, he has mental health problems, i think drug induced schizophrenia ( has been sectioned under the mental health act on one occassion but refuses treatment), he has been in prison twice already, both times for violent assaults, cant hold down a job , spends every penny of the money he has to survive for a month in the space of a week on alcohol, takeaways etc. He lives in a flat on his own, no television because he has pawned it twice and i refuse now to buy it back for him again. He has no friends because every friend he did have now avoid him. He only comes near me to ask for money , or to buy him food which i have done for fear of him starving. He hardly speaks to me when he is in my company and if he doesnt get his own way he turns nasty, verbally and on occasions physically abusive. I come on this site to have a read and have gained strength from knowing there are other parents in the same boat and have been given some really good advice which in general has kept me going. Today though after a particularly horrible scenario on Sunday, i feel so low, anxious for him and myself that i have spent most of the day in bed. On Sunday he appeared at my door, once again drunk and looking for money. Id had enough and gave him a few home truths at the door i.e admit you need help, agree to get the help, stop spending all your money on alcohol and stop asking me for money every day. I told him to wait outside the door and i would get my bank card and pay the taxi which he had arrived in. At that he entered my house, started calling me horrible names, personal, hurtful things, shouting and in general making me fear for my safety. So, i asked him to leave or i would call the police. At that he went for my neck , choking me ( although i didnt lose my breath ) and at the same time trying to prise my phone out my hand. He then seemed to come to his senses and stopped and agreed to leave, me paying the taxi because, well Occupational Therapist (OT) wasnt the drivers fault. I should have then phoned the police , right? Thats what everyone tells me i should do. But i dont want him to go back to prison with mental illness. I should have long ago told him to get stuffed when he asked for money. But i havnt been able to for the fear of him starving or having no electricity. After the incident on Sunday though, i have made no contact with him apart from sending him a text telling him to stay away from me and my door and that i would be aswell without him in my life as he doesnt behave like a son. Iv had no response. No apology, nothing. I feel ready now to cut all contact for the time being and stand my ground. But lts so hard. All i want is my son back to the way he used to be, gentle, caring, kind, for him to come to my house to spend time with me, not just to ask for my money, to not have to live in fear of his violence. Its really depressing. Every night , hes in my dreams but its him when he was younger, when everything was normal and good. I think perhaps your post was an old post and i dont know what your situation is now ( hopefully better) but i thought i would reply anyway. Only we know how hard it is and although im not giving any advice here because im still in this process of trying to be strong , trying to not give in to him , myself it does help i think to know your not alone. [/QUOTE]
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