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I am worn down...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 669002" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I want to say welcome, too. Everybody else has said the important stuff. I will chime in.</p><p></p><p>The thing is this: If you tolerate his misdeeds, after a point, you are as if condoning them. If you have told him, and he keeps doing it, he is choosing it, unless he is seriously ill. As you say, your younger children are watching all of this. That has already put them at risk, and your authority as a parent at risk. </p><p></p><p>The person who should have thought of the cold is your son. Perhaps if he is out in it, he may make another choice. At least the opportunity exists.</p><p></p><p>You are aware that he is using at least some substances for which he does not have a prescription. He is undermining psychiatric treatment. He has washed out of school and work. He has crashed the car. He is insolent. He steals from you. All of these behaviors he is choosing to do, under your roof. </p><p></p><p>The question to ask yourself is whether your support and protection is helping or not.</p><p></p><p>We have found that changing for adult children comes from facing the consequences of what they do. It may take some time. But really, at this point whether or not he changes is not your primary worry, I think. It is your other children and you and your wife.</p><p></p><p>What you want or what you can handle does not count in this calculation. I am sorry to be direct. But the situation must be faced for what it is. We have all been there. </p><p></p><p>Our children can and do change if we stop insulating them from responsibility for their actions.</p><p></p><p>It is still not that cold. You and your wife can decide to help him with a little money. Or with clothes. With addresses of homeless shelters. A bus ticket.</p><p></p><p>Once out of your house he can enlist in the military or Job Corps. Or he can get a job or decide to keep one. Or he can get drug treatment if he needs it: Victory Outreach, for example.</p><p></p><p>There are all kinds of positive and self-protective actions he can take. But right now he is undermining and abusing you and his mother and putting at risk your family. We support you one hundred percent. </p><p></p><p>Understand this: You did not create this situation. Your son will become a man by learning to decide better. The way he learns how to is through cleaning up his own messes and by learning not to create more. </p><p></p><p>Keep posting. I am sorry you have found yourself in this difficult and painful situation. You will find much support here, and wisdom based upon walking the same path.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 669002, member: 18958"] I want to say welcome, too. Everybody else has said the important stuff. I will chime in. The thing is this: If you tolerate his misdeeds, after a point, you are as if condoning them. If you have told him, and he keeps doing it, he is choosing it, unless he is seriously ill. As you say, your younger children are watching all of this. That has already put them at risk, and your authority as a parent at risk. The person who should have thought of the cold is your son. Perhaps if he is out in it, he may make another choice. At least the opportunity exists. You are aware that he is using at least some substances for which he does not have a prescription. He is undermining psychiatric treatment. He has washed out of school and work. He has crashed the car. He is insolent. He steals from you. All of these behaviors he is choosing to do, under your roof. The question to ask yourself is whether your support and protection is helping or not. We have found that changing for adult children comes from facing the consequences of what they do. It may take some time. But really, at this point whether or not he changes is not your primary worry, I think. It is your other children and you and your wife. What you want or what you can handle does not count in this calculation. I am sorry to be direct. But the situation must be faced for what it is. We have all been there. Our children can and do change if we stop insulating them from responsibility for their actions. It is still not that cold. You and your wife can decide to help him with a little money. Or with clothes. With addresses of homeless shelters. A bus ticket. Once out of your house he can enlist in the military or Job Corps. Or he can get a job or decide to keep one. Or he can get drug treatment if he needs it: Victory Outreach, for example. There are all kinds of positive and self-protective actions he can take. But right now he is undermining and abusing you and his mother and putting at risk your family. We support you one hundred percent. Understand this: You did not create this situation. Your son will become a man by learning to decide better. The way he learns how to is through cleaning up his own messes and by learning not to create more. Keep posting. I am sorry you have found yourself in this difficult and painful situation. You will find much support here, and wisdom based upon walking the same path. [/QUOTE]
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