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I bought my kid a tent today, he's homeless.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 743162" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi JMom,</p><p></p><p>You have been very generous to allow your son to live with you. I'm glad to hear he's doing well with his job and that he's been paying you back. </p><p>As for where you go next, that is up to you. You can only do what you can live with. </p><p>From what you have shared I think you have a good understanding that there is a fine line between helping and enabling. Where you are right now is right on the line. For myself, I would not have paid for the DUI. I understand your son is paying you back but when you paid it for him, you diverted him from the natural consequences. What's done is done - you did what you felt was best at the time and you did it out of love and that's okay.</p><p></p><p>Your son is only 23 and could turn this around but he has to want it for himself. I think your son would benefit from counseling or at the very least attending AA meetings. It's wonderful that he was able to share with you that he knows he's an alcoholic and also that he recognizes why he's drinking - to fill that burning sensation - that hole within himself. It can take years for an alcoholic to come to that understanding.</p><p>Right now your son is "functioning" in that he's going to work everyday but that can so easily change. Calling in sick for being hung over or God forbid, he drinks on the job are things that can cause him to lose his job.</p><p></p><p>You are at a crossroads with your son. Here is my suggestion for what you may want to do.</p><p>Tighten up the boundaries by which you allow him to live under your roof. This way you are giving him the opportunity to turn it around. I would tell him that under no circumstances is he allowed to drink in your home. Be honest and tell him that you cannot enable behavior that is harmful to him. I would also tell him that he needs to attend AA meetings or go to counseling and if he cannot abide by and have respect for you, your husband and your home, that he will need to find other living arrangements. Give him a reasonable time limit and stick with it.</p><p>Be prepared for him to respond telling you that "he's got it under control" that he goes to work every day and only drinks in the evenings and that his drinking is not affecting his work. I would reply with, I understand that's what you think but you have admitted to me that you are an alcoholic and you drink to fill the hollow burning sensation you feel. Until you address why you feel that hollow burning sensation and figure out another way to cope with it, nothing will improve for you. Offer to attend some AA meetings with him. Tell him that he does not have to talk but to just listen.</p><p></p><p>I hope he will see what a great chance he has before him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 743162, member: 18516"] Hi JMom, You have been very generous to allow your son to live with you. I'm glad to hear he's doing well with his job and that he's been paying you back. As for where you go next, that is up to you. You can only do what you can live with. From what you have shared I think you have a good understanding that there is a fine line between helping and enabling. Where you are right now is right on the line. For myself, I would not have paid for the DUI. I understand your son is paying you back but when you paid it for him, you diverted him from the natural consequences. What's done is done - you did what you felt was best at the time and you did it out of love and that's okay. Your son is only 23 and could turn this around but he has to want it for himself. I think your son would benefit from counseling or at the very least attending AA meetings. It's wonderful that he was able to share with you that he knows he's an alcoholic and also that he recognizes why he's drinking - to fill that burning sensation - that hole within himself. It can take years for an alcoholic to come to that understanding. Right now your son is "functioning" in that he's going to work everyday but that can so easily change. Calling in sick for being hung over or God forbid, he drinks on the job are things that can cause him to lose his job. You are at a crossroads with your son. Here is my suggestion for what you may want to do. Tighten up the boundaries by which you allow him to live under your roof. This way you are giving him the opportunity to turn it around. I would tell him that under no circumstances is he allowed to drink in your home. Be honest and tell him that you cannot enable behavior that is harmful to him. I would also tell him that he needs to attend AA meetings or go to counseling and if he cannot abide by and have respect for you, your husband and your home, that he will need to find other living arrangements. Give him a reasonable time limit and stick with it. Be prepared for him to respond telling you that "he's got it under control" that he goes to work every day and only drinks in the evenings and that his drinking is not affecting his work. I would reply with, I understand that's what you think but you have admitted to me that you are an alcoholic and you drink to fill the hollow burning sensation you feel. Until you address why you feel that hollow burning sensation and figure out another way to cope with it, nothing will improve for you. Offer to attend some AA meetings with him. Tell him that he does not have to talk but to just listen. I hope he will see what a great chance he has before him. [/QUOTE]
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I bought my kid a tent today, he's homeless.
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