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I can't do this....
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 692373" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>This is my 2 cents and you can take what you need and ignore the rest.</p><p></p><p>I learned, the hard way, not to set a boundary if I thought for one second I would backslide. So before I set something, hubs and I discussed it and discussed possible scenarios and what we could and could not live with. Because I learned that if I drew a line, my daughter crossed it, but I couldn't bear to watch her live the consequences, then I just drew another line a little farther out. And she knew it. She knew I would just keep moving the line bc in my heart, I just kept thinking, "If only..." so I would give her ANOTHER chance. And it sounds to me like you and Jabber thought this out - this wasn't an arbitrary or angry, "you have until....to get out," thing. </p><p></p><p>They keep stepping over the lines when they know you will erase them and just draw a new one. And I learned that usually what was the worst scenario in my mind never came to fruition. So if it were me, I would stick to what I told him and no matter what he would be out. If he became ridiculous or even threatened self harm, I would call 911. No games, no messing around. There are resources. There is help. And most importantly, he CAN help himself - he CHOOSES not to. It is also a choice on your part to become enmeshed in that and let his behavior and choices and consequences rule your life, your emotions, your home and your peace of mind. </p><p></p><p>I have another child, whom I never talk about bc she is the day to my other daughter's night. She is a teenager who lives at home. She works full time, has her own insurance and retirement account started, and attends college full time on her own scholarships, grants, and finances. She asks for nothing ever. She helps around the house and is beyond grateful. She will soon transfer to another college and live on her own and I will be sad for her to go because she is just so easy going and such a joy. She is a TEENAGER and one of the most responsible, hard working people you would ever meet. If a teenager can have TWO bank accounts, health insurance, retirement, work full time, and find her own resources for college, a grown man can work and pay his way.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but I just cannot stand lazy or entitled. I have zero patience or tolerance for it. If that were me, I wouldn't be sad or upset or worried. I would be angry and over it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 692373, member: 19905"] This is my 2 cents and you can take what you need and ignore the rest. I learned, the hard way, not to set a boundary if I thought for one second I would backslide. So before I set something, hubs and I discussed it and discussed possible scenarios and what we could and could not live with. Because I learned that if I drew a line, my daughter crossed it, but I couldn't bear to watch her live the consequences, then I just drew another line a little farther out. And she knew it. She knew I would just keep moving the line bc in my heart, I just kept thinking, "If only..." so I would give her ANOTHER chance. And it sounds to me like you and Jabber thought this out - this wasn't an arbitrary or angry, "you have until....to get out," thing. They keep stepping over the lines when they know you will erase them and just draw a new one. And I learned that usually what was the worst scenario in my mind never came to fruition. So if it were me, I would stick to what I told him and no matter what he would be out. If he became ridiculous or even threatened self harm, I would call 911. No games, no messing around. There are resources. There is help. And most importantly, he CAN help himself - he CHOOSES not to. It is also a choice on your part to become enmeshed in that and let his behavior and choices and consequences rule your life, your emotions, your home and your peace of mind. I have another child, whom I never talk about bc she is the day to my other daughter's night. She is a teenager who lives at home. She works full time, has her own insurance and retirement account started, and attends college full time on her own scholarships, grants, and finances. She asks for nothing ever. She helps around the house and is beyond grateful. She will soon transfer to another college and live on her own and I will be sad for her to go because she is just so easy going and such a joy. She is a TEENAGER and one of the most responsible, hard working people you would ever meet. If a teenager can have TWO bank accounts, health insurance, retirement, work full time, and find her own resources for college, a grown man can work and pay his way. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but I just cannot stand lazy or entitled. I have zero patience or tolerance for it. If that were me, I wouldn't be sad or upset or worried. I would be angry and over it. [/QUOTE]
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