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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 693068" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am filled with sadness at all of our plights. But that does not help us but Ponygirl's post might.Well, I did. My son routinely threatened suicide when he was overwhelmed. I could not live that way. Plus he was aggressive and domineering too. I could not live that way, either.</p><p></p><p>I threw him out not because it was the right thing to do, but because I did not know what else to do and M told me it was the right thing for my son. I believed him. But more than that I wanted someway out. I took the off ramp. I could not take anymore. But I had never had anybody close to me suicide. Believe me, I took this route not due to strength, but due to weakness. I could not take more. Thank G-d my son is OK.</p><p></p><p>It took multiple people to throw him out for him to get it. That he could not impose his way or the highway. It has to be a partnership. He understands that now. What changed? I can say it was throwing him out. I want to say it. But that is because I still must have residual guilt, that I did it. I did not know what else to do. I had no tools in my toolbox. I believe for my son it was the easiest thing to do to threaten suicide. He got control. He got what he wanted. He did not have to cope or learn to cope. It was like saying time out. And he did it that easily.</p><p></p><p>He no longer says it, nor do I believe he thinks of suicide as an option. I think he believes that he would have bad karma in his next life. We leave it at that.</p><p></p><p>The thing is I believe one, he needed to learn how to manage his emotions, and two, he needed to decide if he wanted to live or die. But how would I have felt if he had killed himself? Would I have still stuck to those beliefs? I highly doubt it. I think they are so many words, to make me feel some control or understanding of my position and options, when I really do not think I have much.</p><p></p><p>More and more I think M is right. I need my son more than he needs me. I seem to need and want him near me, as bad as that sounds. I need him to be OK. If he is not, I am not. Period. End of story. The rest is BS.</p><p></p><p>Maybe you are onto something lil. Maybe son needs to stay home until he leaves. Maybe no more ultimatums you cannot keep.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 693068, member: 18958"] I am filled with sadness at all of our plights. But that does not help us but Ponygirl's post might.Well, I did. My son routinely threatened suicide when he was overwhelmed. I could not live that way. Plus he was aggressive and domineering too. I could not live that way, either. I threw him out not because it was the right thing to do, but because I did not know what else to do and M told me it was the right thing for my son. I believed him. But more than that I wanted someway out. I took the off ramp. I could not take anymore. But I had never had anybody close to me suicide. Believe me, I took this route not due to strength, but due to weakness. I could not take more. Thank G-d my son is OK. It took multiple people to throw him out for him to get it. That he could not impose his way or the highway. It has to be a partnership. He understands that now. What changed? I can say it was throwing him out. I want to say it. But that is because I still must have residual guilt, that I did it. I did not know what else to do. I had no tools in my toolbox. I believe for my son it was the easiest thing to do to threaten suicide. He got control. He got what he wanted. He did not have to cope or learn to cope. It was like saying time out. And he did it that easily. He no longer says it, nor do I believe he thinks of suicide as an option. I think he believes that he would have bad karma in his next life. We leave it at that. The thing is I believe one, he needed to learn how to manage his emotions, and two, he needed to decide if he wanted to live or die. But how would I have felt if he had killed himself? Would I have still stuck to those beliefs? I highly doubt it. I think they are so many words, to make me feel some control or understanding of my position and options, when I really do not think I have much. More and more I think M is right. I need my son more than he needs me. I seem to need and want him near me, as bad as that sounds. I need him to be OK. If he is not, I am not. Period. End of story. The rest is BS. Maybe you are onto something lil. Maybe son needs to stay home until he leaves. Maybe no more ultimatums you cannot keep. [/QUOTE]
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