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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 693226" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Somehow, the edit I added did not work. I will summarize it because I think it is important.</p><p></p><p>Over the past couple of months my son has gained in accountability. Not just responsibility and cooperation.</p><p></p><p>He used to say, if we busted him about something: <em>give me a consequence.</em> Like he was a kid. I would despair, and say--<em>you need to learn. To change. To tlisten to and think about the feedback to make different choices about your behavior. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I am not responsible to give you consequences</em>. <em>Life gives you consequences and as a human being you have the opportunity to learn.</em></p><p></p><p>He is 27 years old!! </p><p></p><p>He has not said that in two months, I would guess. </p><p></p><p>You see, I think the limit setting helps. The limit setting about marijuana. Because he will be found out. He knows this. And he will get the consequence. a consequence that he does not want. So, the lesson is sinking in. <em>I am responsible for setting this limit in myself, or else I will suffer the consequence.Even though I can fool them once, it is me who is the fool.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I believe we are offering him the opportunity to chose between lifestyles and ways of being. <em>I can lead a horse to water but I cannot make him drink.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I have told him: I am not a homeless shelter. If you are here with us, it is on the condition that you improve your life. That is my only condition. Why would I slack off on the marijuana? I am not encouraging dependency as far as I am aware. M and I are seeking to avail him of the opportunity for eventual self-sufficiency should he choose it. To my way of thinking that does not include a drug stupor.</p><p></p><p>But of course, he can choose that. But not in my house.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 693226, member: 18958"] Somehow, the edit I added did not work. I will summarize it because I think it is important. Over the past couple of months my son has gained in accountability. Not just responsibility and cooperation. He used to say, if we busted him about something: [I]give me a consequence.[/I] Like he was a kid. I would despair, and say--[I]you need to learn. To change. To tlisten to and think about the feedback to make different choices about your behavior. I am not responsible to give you consequences[/I]. [I]Life gives you consequences and as a human being you have the opportunity to learn.[/I] He is 27 years old!! He has not said that in two months, I would guess. You see, I think the limit setting helps. The limit setting about marijuana. Because he will be found out. He knows this. And he will get the consequence. a consequence that he does not want. So, the lesson is sinking in. [I]I am responsible for setting this limit in myself, or else I will suffer the consequence.Even though I can fool them once, it is me who is the fool. [/I] I believe we are offering him the opportunity to chose between lifestyles and ways of being. [I]I can lead a horse to water but I cannot make him drink. [/I] I have told him: I am not a homeless shelter. If you are here with us, it is on the condition that you improve your life. That is my only condition. Why would I slack off on the marijuana? I am not encouraging dependency as far as I am aware. M and I are seeking to avail him of the opportunity for eventual self-sufficiency should he choose it. To my way of thinking that does not include a drug stupor. But of course, he can choose that. But not in my house. [/QUOTE]
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