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I can't take anymore!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="bran155" data-source="post: 258419"><p>Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your kind and thoughtful responses. Your support means the world to me. </p><p></p><p>You all are so very right. I know in my heart that I have been a good mother and that her life is a result of her illness and HER choices. I know that there simply is nothing left that I can do for her unless and until she wants me to. This is just such a sad reality for a mother to live with. I live in an emotional prison, suffocating with pain and worry and I am sick of riding this roller coaster. The loops and hills are just too much to bare! I crave freedom, a freedom that I will never know for I will always suffer as I will always love this beautiful child. It hurts deeply and profoundly. To know that she thinks so little of herself and that she is so completely lost just breaks my heart. I gave her life and life gave her hell. It's not fair. I am so angry!!! Why??? Why do so many people have to suffer like this??? I know that there isn't an answer for that question, just venting a bit. </p><p></p><p>Everyone of you has said many things that ring so true. It's amazing how well you all get me and understand my daughter so well. I am so grateful to this place and all of the wonderful people who belong to this group. Just to know that I am not alone makes such a huge difference. It also makes me so sad at the same time, to know so many of us exist!!! It just stinks!!!</p><p></p><p>WSM: Wow, you have pegged it dead on!!! Everything that you said about my daughter is so accurate. Thank you!</p><p></p><p>Steely: My SW says the same thing to me all of the time. She wants me to go to the doctor and get myself help. I know I need to. I actually found a free clinic. Completely free. A doctor in the next town over opened up a clinic at a church. He does everything there. I am supposed to go Friday night. I hope I can bring myself to do it. Truthfully I don't even know what is stopping me!!! Thank you for your support.</p><p></p><p>Susie: Thank you for your continued support. As always, you are so right. I must find a way to live with this and wait for her to hit her bottom. It's just so hard. I think you are right, al anon might be helpful to me. Whether she is addicted or not, the behaviors are the same. Her illness looks just like addiction!! (I know she is doing drugs though)</p><p></p><p>Thank you all so much for the hugs, prayers and body crossings (Terry <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />)!!! I will let you all know how my therapy goes.</p><p></p><p>So grateful,</p><p></p><p>Shawna</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bran155, post: 258419"] Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your kind and thoughtful responses. Your support means the world to me. You all are so very right. I know in my heart that I have been a good mother and that her life is a result of her illness and HER choices. I know that there simply is nothing left that I can do for her unless and until she wants me to. This is just such a sad reality for a mother to live with. I live in an emotional prison, suffocating with pain and worry and I am sick of riding this roller coaster. The loops and hills are just too much to bare! I crave freedom, a freedom that I will never know for I will always suffer as I will always love this beautiful child. It hurts deeply and profoundly. To know that she thinks so little of herself and that she is so completely lost just breaks my heart. I gave her life and life gave her hell. It's not fair. I am so angry!!! Why??? Why do so many people have to suffer like this??? I know that there isn't an answer for that question, just venting a bit. Everyone of you has said many things that ring so true. It's amazing how well you all get me and understand my daughter so well. I am so grateful to this place and all of the wonderful people who belong to this group. Just to know that I am not alone makes such a huge difference. It also makes me so sad at the same time, to know so many of us exist!!! It just stinks!!! WSM: Wow, you have pegged it dead on!!! Everything that you said about my daughter is so accurate. Thank you! Steely: My SW says the same thing to me all of the time. She wants me to go to the doctor and get myself help. I know I need to. I actually found a free clinic. Completely free. A doctor in the next town over opened up a clinic at a church. He does everything there. I am supposed to go Friday night. I hope I can bring myself to do it. Truthfully I don't even know what is stopping me!!! Thank you for your support. Susie: Thank you for your continued support. As always, you are so right. I must find a way to live with this and wait for her to hit her bottom. It's just so hard. I think you are right, al anon might be helpful to me. Whether she is addicted or not, the behaviors are the same. Her illness looks just like addiction!! (I know she is doing drugs though) Thank you all so much for the hugs, prayers and body crossings (Terry :))!!! I will let you all know how my therapy goes. So grateful, Shawna [/QUOTE]
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