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I can't take anymore!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 258486" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Bran, </p><p> </p><p>I wish there was anything, something I could say to help your pain. I would surely say it. Somed days I wonder if God is just angry at me or if I was a real poop in a former life. Grasping at straws became a full time hobby for me. It nearly led ME to my own mental illness. </p><p> </p><p>Part of me would load up in the car and find her, and kidnap her, then take her to some remote island with therapy. As much as I have learned to detach from my sons behaviors? NOTHING will ever make my want for a better life for my child disappear. That is a dream that you CAN have, and can keep from the entire rest of the world and you don't have to share it iwth anyone. Every now and then you can just sit quietly and think about your dream, cry a little, cry a lot and pray. Then fold the dream back up, put it back in the box, place it near enough to your heart that you can open it any time, but far enough away that you're not tempted to look every minute and obsess. (Truly it's the racing thoughts that were my near demise) </p><p> </p><p>You know, I've never met her...but I bet shes just a beautiful girl. I bet she sat for hours on your lap and told you things she wanted to be, dreams she had, things she wanted. I bet none of them involved mental illness, drugs, and prostitution. So maybe it's time to write that letter. Write out how you feel, write out how much you love her, the pride you have for her, write out how you wish things had been different, write out how it's not too late, write out how you'll help her. Then fold it up, put it away and don't read it for a week. Then open it a week later, grab a red pen and cross out everything that you felt was just an emotional run on sentence. What's left? Write again, find your daughter and give to her. Say nothing - just hand her the letter. </p><p> </p><p>That could be the beginning of detachment 101 for you - or (to open that little dream box a tad) it could be the end of her doing things totally her way. Maybe get some advice from the therapist you're going to go see and read the letter to him/her. (YOU ARE GOING TO SEE HER/HIM AREN'T YOU)? (said in my most big sister thundering tone) lol. Not because I'm pushy - because I care, I've been there, and I see no sense in wasting time - go, do, done. </p><p> </p><p>My heart hurts for so many here - you're among them. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love and a little smile to share because you have lost yours..<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/redface.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":redface:" title="redface :redface:" data-shortname=":redface:" /></p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 258486, member: 4964"] Bran, I wish there was anything, something I could say to help your pain. I would surely say it. Somed days I wonder if God is just angry at me or if I was a real poop in a former life. Grasping at straws became a full time hobby for me. It nearly led ME to my own mental illness. Part of me would load up in the car and find her, and kidnap her, then take her to some remote island with therapy. As much as I have learned to detach from my sons behaviors? NOTHING will ever make my want for a better life for my child disappear. That is a dream that you CAN have, and can keep from the entire rest of the world and you don't have to share it iwth anyone. Every now and then you can just sit quietly and think about your dream, cry a little, cry a lot and pray. Then fold the dream back up, put it back in the box, place it near enough to your heart that you can open it any time, but far enough away that you're not tempted to look every minute and obsess. (Truly it's the racing thoughts that were my near demise) You know, I've never met her...but I bet shes just a beautiful girl. I bet she sat for hours on your lap and told you things she wanted to be, dreams she had, things she wanted. I bet none of them involved mental illness, drugs, and prostitution. So maybe it's time to write that letter. Write out how you feel, write out how much you love her, the pride you have for her, write out how you wish things had been different, write out how it's not too late, write out how you'll help her. Then fold it up, put it away and don't read it for a week. Then open it a week later, grab a red pen and cross out everything that you felt was just an emotional run on sentence. What's left? Write again, find your daughter and give to her. Say nothing - just hand her the letter. That could be the beginning of detachment 101 for you - or (to open that little dream box a tad) it could be the end of her doing things totally her way. Maybe get some advice from the therapist you're going to go see and read the letter to him/her. (YOU ARE GOING TO SEE HER/HIM AREN'T YOU)? (said in my most big sister thundering tone) lol. Not because I'm pushy - because I care, I've been there, and I see no sense in wasting time - go, do, done. My heart hurts for so many here - you're among them. Hugs & Love and a little smile to share because you have lost yours..:blushing: Star [/QUOTE]
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