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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 739291" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with everything in tl's post. I think this was my biggest mistake and I did it over and over again. This empowered my son to be dependent, self indulgent, and entitled.</p><p>Yes.</p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>It truly amazes me, how simple it is. Yet so impossibly hard. We have zero control. Zero. There is not one thing we can and should do that will have an effect. Which is to love them, and to stay in the game. But that does not mean to let them play us, or to believe we have any power to win in their life. By winning I mean influencing the choices and way that our children live. This is what I could not, or did not want to grasp. </p><p></p><p>The idea that my son suffered, was degraded, victimized and miserable, was absolutely intolerable to me. I had to take out the word "die" because still I cannot tolerate that idea. You see, I must still believe that I can control things, if by typing a word, I have fear. </p><p></p><p>Bluebell. We are all of us here with you trying to do the same thing, survive, and even thrive while are children are not. That you love your son, while he is living poorly, is the name of the game. The goal here is to begin to play in our court, and to let play in theirs, without judging ourselves, being miserable or giving up our lives, which is what I did for a time. I believed wrongly that self-sacrifice would have some magical quality. It did not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 739291, member: 18958"] I agree with everything in tl's post. I think this was my biggest mistake and I did it over and over again. This empowered my son to be dependent, self indulgent, and entitled. Yes. Yes. It truly amazes me, how simple it is. Yet so impossibly hard. We have zero control. Zero. There is not one thing we can and should do that will have an effect. Which is to love them, and to stay in the game. But that does not mean to let them play us, or to believe we have any power to win in their life. By winning I mean influencing the choices and way that our children live. This is what I could not, or did not want to grasp. The idea that my son suffered, was degraded, victimized and miserable, was absolutely intolerable to me. I had to take out the word "die" because still I cannot tolerate that idea. You see, I must still believe that I can control things, if by typing a word, I have fear. Bluebell. We are all of us here with you trying to do the same thing, survive, and even thrive while are children are not. That you love your son, while he is living poorly, is the name of the game. The goal here is to begin to play in our court, and to let play in theirs, without judging ourselves, being miserable or giving up our lives, which is what I did for a time. I believed wrongly that self-sacrifice would have some magical quality. It did not. [/QUOTE]
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