I decided to pack

[Skylark Matrix]

Well, since we are getting company in 2 weeks, I decided I had to pack and clean the difficult child's room. Such a hard thing to do and where to start when it is all a mixture of dirty underwear, garbage, bobby pins, makeup, half full boxes of what????? Well, I looked in one box leftover from a prior episode of two years ago and found a dust pan, juice pitcher, glass, and a picture and was just inspried to fill it up with whatever was handy. Ditto for the other 3 boxes. The proceeded on to a suitcase that had a hair appliance in it. Everything is mixed up with anything else - I couldn't cope with the process of sorting things the way they should be (AGAIN). I did untangle some good jewelery and put that in her jewelery box. I also set her Bible and devotion books on a shelf. Now I just have to clean the carpet and things will be better.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Sounds like progress.....RECLAIM THE ROOM. Her room sounds like an extension of her life....jumbled up...move on and don't look back. If the packing gets you down just put everything in boxes and don't sort, just toss.....

 

[rejectedmom]

Good job. It is her mess let her sort it when/if she comes to get the stuff and bring it to her own place. Enjoy your company!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Good for you! Things like that are never easy, but they are empowering.
You have completed another step towards detachment 101!

 

[KFld]

I know when we first repainted and carpeted difficult child's room, it reminded me of when we first painted it and carpeted it before he was born. It brought me back to some very good memories and erased some pretty bad ones, since his room was so trashed.

 

[Jen]

It is sad, and you need to mourn. You are though being realistic, and strong.

Jen

 

[Skylark Matrix]

I am mourning today. I can't stop crying, it is all so sad. She was three when we moved into this house and she loved her room. She used to love everything and was so happy to have a home. I'm going through the whole house and cleaning little corners of my own. Found a foam seat I had made and covered for her stroller shortly after we got her. People who have only normal children have no idea how hard this is, how hard everything was and how much we put into raising these kids. In the mornings this week I am working at VBS and of course Mom's share what is going on - well not me, how could I? Others kids are at home, getting ready for fall, working, one was baking bread ---- I couldn't leave difficult child home and be sure that she would make her own sandwich for her own lunch, or go to work if we weren't here to monitor the situation.
I'm also feeling sorry for myself which I know is not a good thing to do, but all I every wanted was a family, why did this have to happen to me?

 

[DammitJanet]

skylark...you have every reason to mourn. You have had a hard journey. Am I to understand your middle child left home at 13 and you dont know where she is? Oh how heartbreaking! I pray she is ok. No wonder you worry so much about the youngest one. Hopefully she will mature and come out on top. It can happen. It just takes some a bit longer than others.

 

[Abbey]

To lighten the tone (although I know you're really hurting and rightfully so) I could copy and paste your initial post from my summer visit to my easy child daughter's apartment. She had everything you named and 100X more. It was like someone took 3 large trash cans and just scattered it everywhere. I'm exactly the opposite...a neat freak.

I remember when my mom cleaned out my room I stayed in for 18 years after I got married. I came to visit one day and she had 5 or 6 large boxes, the walls had been painted, new curtains, new dresser...I was devastated!! That was MY room. But, what it made me realize is that is wasn't my room anymore. I had my own place and started a new life. It's weird how little things affect you like that. You'd think, "Hey!! Someone cleaned my room and got me all new stuff!! :smile:

If it will lighten your heart a bit, you might want to do that to her room. You don't need to throw stuff out, but make it pretty again. It will be work, but in the end you'll have a beautiful room.

Abbey

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Skylark,

When you lose a child to adulthood, you grieve it just as you would a death. You are allowed. And you certainly get to have a couple of days of feeling sorry for yourself (AA, having a pity party). It is normal and healthy, as long as you get THROUGH it and move on to the next step.

Take a few things from her childhood as keepsakes. Things that bring joy to your heart when you look at them, not tears. Put them together in a safe place NOT in that room. And yes, redo that room to YOUR specifications.

Keep coming here for comfort and strength, we are here for you.

 

[witzend]

I'm so sorry. Sad to say there is nothing we can do about these moments but work through them. They can't be avoided.

 

[Hound dog]

Sending warm supportive, and understanding (((((hugs))))).

 

[KFld]

Even cleaning up old dried up ferret poop brought tears to my eyes when I cleaned out difficult child's room. He grew up in that very bedroom, so there were many memories, good and bad. painting and recarpeting it kind of restored it to it's original colors before he was born and it bothered me at first, but eventually it became kind of soothing.