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Parent Emeritus
I don't know how to repair the broken relationship with my daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747498" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome. I agree with the others.</p><p></p><p>You are learning now to have your center of gravity be yourself, who you are, what you need. You feel like you need and want her, and I relate entirely. But the person we really need, is ourselves. To be connected to our real feelings, our real needs and wants. To be centered in the real women we are. Getting to know that person, know what<u> she</u> wants. </p><p></p><p>You're doing it. The long walks. The dog. Living on your own. Getting out each day, because that's what you need. Seeking kindness.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter right now has nothing to give you. Who knows the real story? But as she matures she may discover that she needs and wants her mother. This can't be forced. She will discover it in her own time. But right now you have your own work to do.</p><p></p><p>Her father did very wrong by encouraging triangulation. He hurt her and he hurt you. Who knows what kinds of wounds she carries, because of this?</p><p>This is very blaming. Every single one of us fails our children sometimes. We can only start where we are, today: By trying very, very hard to not fail or abandon ourselves any longer. This is where we heal. We heal all of our relationships (even those with our loved ones who have died), I believe, by healing ourselves.</p><p></p><p>If we start thinking this way, we can see our healing as a way of connecting with our children. But to do this we need connection with ourselves and our real needs, through listening to ourselves and living our deepest knowing, in order to relate fully and completely to those we love. This is the work your're doing now. And me too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747498, member: 18958"] Welcome. I agree with the others. You are learning now to have your center of gravity be yourself, who you are, what you need. You feel like you need and want her, and I relate entirely. But the person we really need, is ourselves. To be connected to our real feelings, our real needs and wants. To be centered in the real women we are. Getting to know that person, know what[U] she[/U] wants. You're doing it. The long walks. The dog. Living on your own. Getting out each day, because that's what you need. Seeking kindness. Your daughter right now has nothing to give you. Who knows the real story? But as she matures she may discover that she needs and wants her mother. This can't be forced. She will discover it in her own time. But right now you have your own work to do. Her father did very wrong by encouraging triangulation. He hurt her and he hurt you. Who knows what kinds of wounds she carries, because of this? This is very blaming. Every single one of us fails our children sometimes. We can only start where we are, today: By trying very, very hard to not fail or abandon ourselves any longer. This is where we heal. We heal all of our relationships (even those with our loved ones who have died), I believe, by healing ourselves. If we start thinking this way, we can see our healing as a way of connecting with our children. But to do this we need connection with ourselves and our real needs, through listening to ourselves and living our deepest knowing, in order to relate fully and completely to those we love. This is the work your're doing now. And me too. [/QUOTE]
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I don't know how to repair the broken relationship with my daughter
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