Hi,
I mainly just wanted to respond to your comment about being shocked by dtr's sexual thoughts. Girls have them every bit as much as boys. I remember starting to have them by about age 12 though I didn't exactly know what they were! By age 16 I was sexually active and I thought it was ridiculous that people thought only boys were interested or that a girl couldn't just want sex without it being anything more than that.
I also think the fact that you can't communicate so well anymore is very normal. Teens are supposed to be pulling away from their parents. One minute they want to be close, the next they are shutting you out.
I think it is great that she wants to go talk to someone. It would be a very good thing for her to have an adult to talk to who can be objective and help her along the way. That is kind of funny that she has diagnosed herself with Borderline (BPD). I really thought my difficult child 1 had it--she certainly had every trait, but as she has matured I don't see it much at all anymore. My dtr also used to cut--she too enjoyed the pain. She has many scars on her legs from cutting. She also enjoyed the notoriety and drama from it--her friends were worried about her, she got lots of attention.
Sorry you are having these problems--I know how hard it is to have more than one difficult child and to have them both acting out at the same time--not fair!
Jane
