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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 766377" data-attributes="member: 18958">Hello worndown68.I want to share a couple of insights that have helped me.&nbsp; Welcome.The most important is this: People own their own lives. That means, our children too. While we may have the hope, wish and intention that our children grow up and live well, as adults they have autonomy, authority and responsibility for their own lives. They are responsible for creating and living their own lives, and they do. Their lives are theirs, not ours.I believe that we are responsible in our lives to live well. That applies to our children. But whether or not they do is on them, not us. That also applies to us, that when we turn over our lives, our welfare, so that our children prosper, neglecting ourselves or permitting mistreatment, we are choosing to live badly.&nbsp; I believe we have the responsibility to ourselves and in our lives to live well. Living well includes not hurting ourselves or letting others hurt us.I believe we are responsible for keeping ourselves on an even keel. That means, prolonging self-pity, guilt, catastrophizing, or regret for the path not taken, is a choice.. To overly indulge myself in these things, is my choice to hurt myself. I can choose to suffer. Or not.&nbsp; I see this as a boundary issue. I need to learn how to set boundaries for myself, internal boundaries.Internal boundaries are no different from the external boundaries we set for others. It's to set limits to self-hurt, to self-abuse. You see, we hurt ourselves too. There is no reason to. And we can stop it.Please do not be so hard on yourself. You really don't deserve it.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 766377, member: 18958"] Hello worndown68. I want to share a couple of insights that have helped me. Welcome. The most important is this: People own their own lives. That means, our children too. While we may have the hope, wish and intention that our children grow up and live well, as adults they have autonomy, authority and responsibility for their own lives. They are responsible for creating and living their own lives, and they do. Their lives are theirs, not ours. I believe that [B][I]we[/I] [/B]are responsible in our lives to live well. That applies to our children. But whether or not they do is on them, not us. That also applies to us, that when we turn over our lives, our welfare, so that our children prosper, neglecting ourselves or permitting mistreatment, [I]we are choosing to live badly. I believe we have the responsibility to ourselves and in our lives to live well. Living well includes not hurting ourselves or letting others hurt us.[/I] I believe we are responsible for keeping ourselves on an even keel. That means, prolonging self-pity, guilt, catastrophizing, or regret for the path not taken, is a choice.. To overly indulge myself in these things, is my choice to hurt myself.[I] I can choose to suffer. Or not. I see this as a boundary issue.[/I] I need to learn how to set boundaries for myself, internal boundaries. Internal boundaries are no different from the external boundaries we set for others. It's to set limits to self-hurt, to self-abuse. You see, we hurt ourselves too. There is no reason to. And we can stop it. Please do not be so hard on yourself. You really don't deserve it. [/QUOTE]

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