First off, I'd stay away from any man who would smack her. It's bad enough her dad does it. Boyfriends or stepparents...to me they aren't related and should stay out of strict discipline. That's what I did when I remarried. Your ex and her father sound sadly like violent men.
Sounds like your daughter has been born with some personality challenges and the moving around did not help. At all. Could anyone have sexuAlly molested her? No, she would not have e told you necessarily.
At eleven of a kid acts out and is mean to us, they are hurting. I am loathe to say a child that young is verbally abusing anyone
She clearly pro ably could use an evaluation for a disorder plus intensive therapy. This child has been through too much. She needs help in my opinion more than punishment.
Having said that I know you love her dearly and want to help her. That is my take on the best way to help her. She is getting to the teens years. I'd be very proactive now. Once she hits her teens there may be no going back. She needs to learn to appropriately express her fear and anger or it can lead to things like self hatred and drugs later on.
A good female therapist can get her to express herself more than Mom. Please don't try to fix this yourself.
Lastly I think you need therapy too. It is extremely inappropriate to call anyone, let alone an 11 year old child, the c word. Maybe you need help with your temper or parenting that difficult child. But you clearly need and deserve guidance. Be good to yourself and get the help.
Hugs and tons of luck.
