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I feel to blame
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<blockquote data-quote="Guidance seeker" data-source="post: 726757" data-attributes="member: 22632"><p>LIS - I think if you had not put him out, things would be worse now. Living at home with the family can make them behave worse rather than better. I kept my son at home for almost 4 years and put up with terrible behaviour from him. I ended up sleeping in staff accommodation where I work (making an excuse to others that my house was being decorated) and I stayed at my brothers. All because I was afraid to go home and face the ongoing debts and demands for money. He would start by asking nicely, saying he wanted to get his life on track but just needed the dealers (his friends) off his back, then he would get all tearful and scared and finally (after many hours) would smash things in my house. My husband wanted to put him out at least 2 years before I did, I was the weaker one by far. He regularly stole from us too. In hindsight, I would have put him out earlier. My daughter (who is lovely) told me one day that she was thinking of moving to her boyfriends family home because she couldn’t take anymore coming home to her room untidy where he had searched for valuables.</p><p></p><p>Your son’s ex has no idea what she is talking about. I remember a few years ago, talking to a woman who was having problems with a teen and she said that she didn’t feel so bad because she put him out in the summer. At the time, I really thought I could never put a child of mine out yet fast forward a few years and I have done just that. My son was a great kid, caring and kind but cannabis changed him completely, he does use other drugs but cannabis is the drug of daily choice. </p><p></p><p>My son is often telling me about people who think I am terrible for putting him out and yes, it stays with me and I feel huge guilt but I know how much I tried. I know in the end there was no option but to put him out. </p><p></p><p>Our sons may never improve but their lives are their choice no matter what they say. I really believe the most we can do is stop them ruining our lives too. Now I have found that’s easier said than done, the anxiety can be overwhelming and I’m always thinking of solutions to HIS problems and I slip back into enabling but I have come a long long way. </p><p></p><p>I’m going to get ready soon and will not allow myself to think about him tonight (I will really do my best), tomorrow will bring what it will bring, I’m determined not to let my overworrying mind spoil tonight. I really hope you find peace tonight too and do something you enjoy yourself. Concentrate on what’s happening in the present and make it something nice. </p><p></p><p>Hugs from England</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Guidance seeker, post: 726757, member: 22632"] LIS - I think if you had not put him out, things would be worse now. Living at home with the family can make them behave worse rather than better. I kept my son at home for almost 4 years and put up with terrible behaviour from him. I ended up sleeping in staff accommodation where I work (making an excuse to others that my house was being decorated) and I stayed at my brothers. All because I was afraid to go home and face the ongoing debts and demands for money. He would start by asking nicely, saying he wanted to get his life on track but just needed the dealers (his friends) off his back, then he would get all tearful and scared and finally (after many hours) would smash things in my house. My husband wanted to put him out at least 2 years before I did, I was the weaker one by far. He regularly stole from us too. In hindsight, I would have put him out earlier. My daughter (who is lovely) told me one day that she was thinking of moving to her boyfriends family home because she couldn’t take anymore coming home to her room untidy where he had searched for valuables. Your son’s ex has no idea what she is talking about. I remember a few years ago, talking to a woman who was having problems with a teen and she said that she didn’t feel so bad because she put him out in the summer. At the time, I really thought I could never put a child of mine out yet fast forward a few years and I have done just that. My son was a great kid, caring and kind but cannabis changed him completely, he does use other drugs but cannabis is the drug of daily choice. My son is often telling me about people who think I am terrible for putting him out and yes, it stays with me and I feel huge guilt but I know how much I tried. I know in the end there was no option but to put him out. Our sons may never improve but their lives are their choice no matter what they say. I really believe the most we can do is stop them ruining our lives too. Now I have found that’s easier said than done, the anxiety can be overwhelming and I’m always thinking of solutions to HIS problems and I slip back into enabling but I have come a long long way. I’m going to get ready soon and will not allow myself to think about him tonight (I will really do my best), tomorrow will bring what it will bring, I’m determined not to let my overworrying mind spoil tonight. I really hope you find peace tonight too and do something you enjoy yourself. Concentrate on what’s happening in the present and make it something nice. Hugs from England [/QUOTE]
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