Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I feel to blame
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Lost in sadness" data-source="post: 726851" data-attributes="member: 21056"><p>GuidanceSeeker, LBL, SWOT, Sam3</p><p>Thank you all for your kind kind words of support. You have no idea how much it helps, but then again I guess you do. I think the guilt I feel is the worst, the feeling that I am obligated as his mum to continue to help him. Sometimes, it is my anger that drives decisions and some days are easier than others. I always feel the pain the most as the evening approaches. It feels lonely. Its like I know what I should be doing but the fear of something happening to him and me having to live with the guilt forever is just so overwhelming. Thats the general feeling. Overwhelmed.</p><p></p><p>So, update is...of course he rang me on Saturday, all friendly. I kept calm and we chatted quite nicely. He told me that the landlord says he needs to get out as he always had the heating on and his girlfriend was staying too much. I advised him websites to go on to look for somewhere else. Also advised him to return to work on Monday (today). He denied having only been to his job for one day but I know the truth. Went out Saturday evening with friends and had a lovely evening. Yesterday afternoon he rang me as I had sent him details of another house share. Of course he wanted the money for it and I said 'no'. Got into argument where he was horrible, accusing me of all sorts. I did call his girlfriend a "lazy b*tch" in anger and in part, blamed her for him losing his place. He called my husband a "fat c*nt". I hung up. Loads of mean texts followed about how he would never forgive me for "leaving him in the dark", not having him at Christmas, how I am fake, live in the past, make my daughter do things she doesn't want blah blah. I ignored. An hour later, i get 'I love you". Just plain weird.</p><p>This morning started with, "so, whats the fu*king plan". I said "the plan is whatever you have sorted", He got angry, demanding money and reminding me that he cannot do anything with out it. I asked whether he had gone to work - already knew the answer. I sent him homeless accommodation info and he said that wasn't an option. I said "well, the fat c*nt, isn't willing to part with anymore money" and then the begging started. I ignored but reminded him that he had money for drugs, perfume and Pandora jewelry for his girlfriend and that I had advised him to pay his rent first. Not heard anything more. Can see online that the girlfriend has now applied for a loan and he is now guarantor!! Our phone keeps ringing with credit companies. I texted landlord to check he had left so we could pick up our things and she said she had given him a couple more days and would take the money out of our deposit. God knows what will happen then but it turns out he has had parties in the house all weekend and the house stinks of weed etc.</p><p>And so it continues.....as usual, I feel a mixture of emotions, to love someone you do not like is hard, mixed with the reality that I do not have any relationship with my son and cannot imagine that ever changing hurts my heart. I am determined to stick this out and can only pray it forces him to change, not over the edge! Hugs everyone. xx</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lost in sadness, post: 726851, member: 21056"] GuidanceSeeker, LBL, SWOT, Sam3 Thank you all for your kind kind words of support. You have no idea how much it helps, but then again I guess you do. I think the guilt I feel is the worst, the feeling that I am obligated as his mum to continue to help him. Sometimes, it is my anger that drives decisions and some days are easier than others. I always feel the pain the most as the evening approaches. It feels lonely. Its like I know what I should be doing but the fear of something happening to him and me having to live with the guilt forever is just so overwhelming. Thats the general feeling. Overwhelmed. So, update is...of course he rang me on Saturday, all friendly. I kept calm and we chatted quite nicely. He told me that the landlord says he needs to get out as he always had the heating on and his girlfriend was staying too much. I advised him websites to go on to look for somewhere else. Also advised him to return to work on Monday (today). He denied having only been to his job for one day but I know the truth. Went out Saturday evening with friends and had a lovely evening. Yesterday afternoon he rang me as I had sent him details of another house share. Of course he wanted the money for it and I said 'no'. Got into argument where he was horrible, accusing me of all sorts. I did call his girlfriend a "lazy b*tch" in anger and in part, blamed her for him losing his place. He called my husband a "fat c*nt". I hung up. Loads of mean texts followed about how he would never forgive me for "leaving him in the dark", not having him at Christmas, how I am fake, live in the past, make my daughter do things she doesn't want blah blah. I ignored. An hour later, i get 'I love you". Just plain weird. This morning started with, "so, whats the fu*king plan". I said "the plan is whatever you have sorted", He got angry, demanding money and reminding me that he cannot do anything with out it. I asked whether he had gone to work - already knew the answer. I sent him homeless accommodation info and he said that wasn't an option. I said "well, the fat c*nt, isn't willing to part with anymore money" and then the begging started. I ignored but reminded him that he had money for drugs, perfume and Pandora jewelry for his girlfriend and that I had advised him to pay his rent first. Not heard anything more. Can see online that the girlfriend has now applied for a loan and he is now guarantor!! Our phone keeps ringing with credit companies. I texted landlord to check he had left so we could pick up our things and she said she had given him a couple more days and would take the money out of our deposit. God knows what will happen then but it turns out he has had parties in the house all weekend and the house stinks of weed etc. And so it continues.....as usual, I feel a mixture of emotions, to love someone you do not like is hard, mixed with the reality that I do not have any relationship with my son and cannot imagine that ever changing hurts my heart. I am determined to stick this out and can only pray it forces him to change, not over the edge! Hugs everyone. xx [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I feel to blame
Top