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I finally kicked my unstable 20 yr old son out of my house
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619275" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I'm sorry you had to go through that. What your difficult child did WAS violence. I was told by my psychiatrist that if you live with stuff being thrown and with somebody close to your face that is violence. I always thought you had to be touched for it to be violence. Not true. Unfortunately, most of us have a "last straw" that is similar to yours. We take a tough stance against a kid who feels entitled to your house, your money, the nice bed he sleeps in, but feels he can live in YOUR house with his own rules and that you'd better not push him. They are good at making us feel they are less capable than they are.</p><p></p><p>My twenty year old son has autism and is very shy, but he works and goes places, does his chores and wants to move out this year. Your son can do it if he is motivated. He can also learn to be nice to people and he'll find they are nice to him. I think you will discover that he may already HAVE friends. Who did he go out to see last night? A girlfriend that you have no clue about? Drug friends that you don't think he has? Who goes out at that hour? Something was up and you will never probably know what it was.</p><p></p><p>Part II is that he may try to break into your house. Change the locks. Secure the windows. Be prepared to call the cops if he won't leave your property or if he destroys it. Our grown kids do not take well to us when we expect them to TRY to do what other kids their age have been doing for a long time. They retaliate, often with hurtful words, threats to harm themselves (I can't think of one time it has happened on this site, but it is always a threat) and more four letter words that you thought existed. Be ready for the big explosion back at you and how mean you are and how you were a rotten mother and his life socked, etc. etc. etc.</p><p></p><p>All this time while he is talking like that, remember that some kids have no parents at all, live in poverty, have caregivers who leave them alone and don't feed them, and who are physically and sexually abused. Your son has had a good life...maybe TOO good...and don't let him tell you anything else. Don't argue with him either. Just let him rant or don't listen to him at all. I like being quiet much better.</p><p></p><p>If you want a true glimpse into your son's private life, check his Facebook. He has probably cleaned out anything incriminating from his room. His cell phone is even more telling, but I guess he doesn't have one anymore. You may be in for some real eye opening reads.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong and focused on your little boy and husband and, most of all, yourself. Play soothing music, light scented candles, be gentle with yourself. Read a silly book that has no deep meaning to it. Watch a goofy television show with your son. If you have a pet, hold the pet and stroke the soft fur.</p><p></p><p>Make your life about YOU and those who treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. Your son will survive far better than you think he can. And maybe, just maybe, not having a soft pillow will make him think about the life he has chosen for himself. Maybe he will get a move on to change.</p><p></p><p>A jog in the middle of the night? Still not buying it.</p><p></p><p>Huggles!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619275, member: 1550"] Hi. I'm sorry you had to go through that. What your difficult child did WAS violence. I was told by my psychiatrist that if you live with stuff being thrown and with somebody close to your face that is violence. I always thought you had to be touched for it to be violence. Not true. Unfortunately, most of us have a "last straw" that is similar to yours. We take a tough stance against a kid who feels entitled to your house, your money, the nice bed he sleeps in, but feels he can live in YOUR house with his own rules and that you'd better not push him. They are good at making us feel they are less capable than they are. My twenty year old son has autism and is very shy, but he works and goes places, does his chores and wants to move out this year. Your son can do it if he is motivated. He can also learn to be nice to people and he'll find they are nice to him. I think you will discover that he may already HAVE friends. Who did he go out to see last night? A girlfriend that you have no clue about? Drug friends that you don't think he has? Who goes out at that hour? Something was up and you will never probably know what it was. Part II is that he may try to break into your house. Change the locks. Secure the windows. Be prepared to call the cops if he won't leave your property or if he destroys it. Our grown kids do not take well to us when we expect them to TRY to do what other kids their age have been doing for a long time. They retaliate, often with hurtful words, threats to harm themselves (I can't think of one time it has happened on this site, but it is always a threat) and more four letter words that you thought existed. Be ready for the big explosion back at you and how mean you are and how you were a rotten mother and his life socked, etc. etc. etc. All this time while he is talking like that, remember that some kids have no parents at all, live in poverty, have caregivers who leave them alone and don't feed them, and who are physically and sexually abused. Your son has had a good life...maybe TOO good...and don't let him tell you anything else. Don't argue with him either. Just let him rant or don't listen to him at all. I like being quiet much better. If you want a true glimpse into your son's private life, check his Facebook. He has probably cleaned out anything incriminating from his room. His cell phone is even more telling, but I guess he doesn't have one anymore. You may be in for some real eye opening reads. Stay strong and focused on your little boy and husband and, most of all, yourself. Play soothing music, light scented candles, be gentle with yourself. Read a silly book that has no deep meaning to it. Watch a goofy television show with your son. If you have a pet, hold the pet and stroke the soft fur. Make your life about YOU and those who treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. Your son will survive far better than you think he can. And maybe, just maybe, not having a soft pillow will make him think about the life he has chosen for himself. Maybe he will get a move on to change. A jog in the middle of the night? Still not buying it. Huggles!!!! [/QUOTE]
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I finally kicked my unstable 20 yr old son out of my house
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