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I finally threw her out
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 744591" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I am tired but will give a little .02. its all just my own feedback. I am sorry you are distressed but in my opinion you MUST make severe changes toward this daughter or your fears will come true. These are my thoughts...take what you want from them. It cant keep going on like this even if you dont like MY ideas. You will need to change everything to get any change. Change changes. Firstly, for the love of God NEVER let a boyfriend stay in your house. Ever! Never! Double never! Not only is it disrespectful and an extra person but you dont know him from Adam. He could be a serial killer or rob you blind. Tell daughter NO! Dont be afraid of her.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion you tried too hard to make up for what you felt were your own transgressions. I would cut out the Bank of Mom. Your not at all young daughter is very, very entitled, selfish, spoiled, a theif and an addict.</p><p></p><p> And she doesnt seem to care about anyone but herself! In spite of her troubles as a child, she is grown now and this is not acceptable.</p><p></p><p>You have to change or she will not. It wont be easy.</p><p></p><p> Cut her off. The money, the toys, the stuff. Stop it now. That HURTS her growth and empathy.</p><p></p><p>She never should have had one new car let along two after that accident. She could have killed or been killed.</p><p></p><p>My kids had no cars until they bought them and never did we throw money at them. Two got into some trouble, but not like your daughter and none of my four kids are entitled or spoiled and they work hard. We would never support adults, even our own beloved children.</p><p></p><p> We do them harm when we take care of them as if they are children. It plain just makes them expect to be eternal babies. Nobody should buy a house, condo etc. for an adult child. They need a reason to work and feel a sense of accomplisment. Or not. Their life. Their choice.</p><p></p><p> We cant rescue them as you see. The more you give them, the less adult they become and more like spoiled ten year olds. They start to think that they cant do anything adult like, that you have to remain a Mommyand wash their clothes! A 13 year old needs a mommy. A 27 year old should be independent of her Mother (and have no Mommy). My kids are all independent with no help from us and one has autism but we taught him to do for himself.</p><p></p><p>Again this is just my opinion and what worked well for me. I was also not a perfect parent. Nobody is. But i refused to support my grown adult kids and they thrived partly because they knew the free life would never happen.They are all doing well. Autistic son lives alone and only requires minimal community help. If he can do this your daughter can.</p><p></p><p>As for you, ma'am, you matter too. It is time to stop enabling daughter and take care of YOU. You need to slow down, stop the workaholic addiction, relax, find peace and quit drinking in a good program. Parents do our kids no good getting sick over them and not caring for ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can maybe get into therapy or rehab to help you quit drinking and cope with life better (including your daughter,) and learn to love yourself and detach from your daughter who at her age should be self sufficient and wont be if you dont force it by backing off. Even though she will through toddler tantrums. She also needs to learn empathy for others. Stealing after her dear grsndpa died,?</p><p></p><p>We would have called the cops. For real. My kids know so they never really broke the law. Stealing is serious.</p><p></p><p>Stop blaming yourself. Your 27 year old daughter is a grown woman and can get therapy herself and grow up. She is not the only person who had some problems wit parents when young yet most of them learn to adult anyway.</p><p></p><p>Beautiful houses and material luxuries do not make anyone happy. Achievement and pride in themselves make people feel good inside even if they live in their own small, not so gorgeous place. Dont place too much worth on all the goodies that were handed her. What has she accomplished on her own? She needs to accomplish on her own.</p><p></p><p>You may never have the relationship you want with her. To be blunt, and Im sorry, but she isnt very nice. It would be quite a change for her to suddenly have her turn kind. She has so far to go.ar Therapy would be great for her too.</p><p></p><p>Love and light! God bless!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 744591, member: 1550"] Hi. I am tired but will give a little .02. its all just my own feedback. I am sorry you are distressed but in my opinion you MUST make severe changes toward this daughter or your fears will come true. These are my thoughts...take what you want from them. It cant keep going on like this even if you dont like MY ideas. You will need to change everything to get any change. Change changes. Firstly, for the love of God NEVER let a boyfriend stay in your house. Ever! Never! Double never! Not only is it disrespectful and an extra person but you dont know him from Adam. He could be a serial killer or rob you blind. Tell daughter NO! Dont be afraid of her. in my opinion you tried too hard to make up for what you felt were your own transgressions. I would cut out the Bank of Mom. Your not at all young daughter is very, very entitled, selfish, spoiled, a theif and an addict. And she doesnt seem to care about anyone but herself! In spite of her troubles as a child, she is grown now and this is not acceptable. You have to change or she will not. It wont be easy. Cut her off. The money, the toys, the stuff. Stop it now. That HURTS her growth and empathy. She never should have had one new car let along two after that accident. She could have killed or been killed. My kids had no cars until they bought them and never did we throw money at them. Two got into some trouble, but not like your daughter and none of my four kids are entitled or spoiled and they work hard. We would never support adults, even our own beloved children. We do them harm when we take care of them as if they are children. It plain just makes them expect to be eternal babies. Nobody should buy a house, condo etc. for an adult child. They need a reason to work and feel a sense of accomplisment. Or not. Their life. Their choice. We cant rescue them as you see. The more you give them, the less adult they become and more like spoiled ten year olds. They start to think that they cant do anything adult like, that you have to remain a Mommyand wash their clothes! A 13 year old needs a mommy. A 27 year old should be independent of her Mother (and have no Mommy). My kids are all independent with no help from us and one has autism but we taught him to do for himself. Again this is just my opinion and what worked well for me. I was also not a perfect parent. Nobody is. But i refused to support my grown adult kids and they thrived partly because they knew the free life would never happen.They are all doing well. Autistic son lives alone and only requires minimal community help. If he can do this your daughter can. As for you, ma'am, you matter too. It is time to stop enabling daughter and take care of YOU. You need to slow down, stop the workaholic addiction, relax, find peace and quit drinking in a good program. Parents do our kids no good getting sick over them and not caring for ourselves. I hope you can maybe get into therapy or rehab to help you quit drinking and cope with life better (including your daughter,) and learn to love yourself and detach from your daughter who at her age should be self sufficient and wont be if you dont force it by backing off. Even though she will through toddler tantrums. She also needs to learn empathy for others. Stealing after her dear grsndpa died,? We would have called the cops. For real. My kids know so they never really broke the law. Stealing is serious. Stop blaming yourself. Your 27 year old daughter is a grown woman and can get therapy herself and grow up. She is not the only person who had some problems wit parents when young yet most of them learn to adult anyway. Beautiful houses and material luxuries do not make anyone happy. Achievement and pride in themselves make people feel good inside even if they live in their own small, not so gorgeous place. Dont place too much worth on all the goodies that were handed her. What has she accomplished on her own? She needs to accomplish on her own. You may never have the relationship you want with her. To be blunt, and Im sorry, but she isnt very nice. It would be quite a change for her to suddenly have her turn kind. She has so far to go.ar Therapy would be great for her too. Love and light! God bless! [/QUOTE]
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