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I got laundry for my birthday
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 635410" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I took that to mean<em> can WE change OUR responses to their thoughtlessnes</em>s..........</p><p></p><p>To that inquiry I say, YES, we can. We can change our responses to their behavior.<em> We can't change <u>their </u>behavior.</em> </p><p></p><p>It take time, a commitment and work, but with help, with therapy or some kind of a strong support system, we can change our response to them so that we are not vulnerable to their "cruelty and thoughtlessness." It's detachment and it's acceptance and it is not easy but it works. </p><p></p><p>Three years ago I never would have believed that I could ever get to a place where my daughter's actions did not floor me each and every time, but (for the most part) I have. For me it took an almost 2 year course on Codependency, individual therapy and a parent support group, but I changed, I changed my responses and I changed my perceptions, I changed my expectations, many of my own beliefs about what parenting meant, I changed my pattern of guilt and "shoulds" and I learned a lot more about acceptance. </p><p></p><p>There are a lot of stages of this journey. It mirrors the stages of grief..............denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. We go through a lot. I found it to be the most difficult thing I have ever done. But I was also determined to get my own life back and not let my daughters behaviors, actions and choices ruin my life. It took a village for me to get to the other side, but I am here to tell you, it will change. YOU are the one who must change. Your son may change or he may not, that is his choice. Your choice is to respond differently. You can learn to do that.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry Tish you deserve a far better birthday then you had. Happy Birthday!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 635410, member: 13542"] I took that to mean[I] can WE change OUR responses to their thoughtlessnes[/I]s.......... To that inquiry I say, YES, we can. We can change our responses to their behavior.[I] We can't change [U]their [/U]behavior.[/I] It take time, a commitment and work, but with help, with therapy or some kind of a strong support system, we can change our response to them so that we are not vulnerable to their "cruelty and thoughtlessness." It's detachment and it's acceptance and it is not easy but it works. Three years ago I never would have believed that I could ever get to a place where my daughter's actions did not floor me each and every time, but (for the most part) I have. For me it took an almost 2 year course on Codependency, individual therapy and a parent support group, but I changed, I changed my responses and I changed my perceptions, I changed my expectations, many of my own beliefs about what parenting meant, I changed my pattern of guilt and "shoulds" and I learned a lot more about acceptance. There are a lot of stages of this journey. It mirrors the stages of grief..............denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. We go through a lot. I found it to be the most difficult thing I have ever done. But I was also determined to get my own life back and not let my daughters behaviors, actions and choices ruin my life. It took a village for me to get to the other side, but I am here to tell you, it will change. YOU are the one who must change. Your son may change or he may not, that is his choice. Your choice is to respond differently. You can learn to do that. I'm sorry Tish you deserve a far better birthday then you had. Happy Birthday! [/QUOTE]
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