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I got laundry for my birthday
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 635436" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>MY difficult child, who I am conviced has both antisocial and narcissistic traits, has never sent me a birthday card in his life. He doesn't even know when it's my birthday. He calls me every day, but it's all about him. He never ever sends his siblings cards either and wonders why his siblings want nothing to do with him, although the no-birthday-cards is the least of their complaints about him.</p><p></p><p>I can't speak for all difficult children as I only know why my own son is one. He clearly has personality disorders and people with personality disorders are callous, lack empathy, often deflect responsibility onto another (with no remorse), lack a moral center and do not think there is anything wrong with their behavior. If they are antisocial or narcissistic at all, the world is all about them and their comfort and needs. About what Recovering said, it is solid and good advice. I have learned to respond differently to this son than my other grown children, who are not personality-disordered. I no longer expect birthday cards or wishes from him, for example. I no longer expect him to put in any effort into any relationship...he expects everyone else to do all the work then is puzzled when he is dumped. I give up trying to explain to him why he should and shouldn't do something...he is too old for that. He is a man. I know who he is and don't expect big changes and that attitude helps. It also helps me refuse to deal with him when he is unpleasant. And I don't deal with him if he is unpleasant.</p><p></p><p>So I think Recovering is correct. We can't change them and many don't change. But we can change our response to their behavior.</p><p></p><p>The reason your son is drawn to his ex is because difficult children attract other difficult children. They can actually enjoy their lethal relationships. If not her, it would be another difficult child girlfriend. Our difficult child sons do not attract the best women. From one who knows.</p><p></p><p>I would advise that you try to detach from your son and his bad behavior. It is too bad he uses your grandson against you, but they do that and we can't help it. If it were me, being how I am now rather than how I was maybe five or ten years ago, I'd buy stuff for my grandson, but nothing for an adult child who won't work and thinks jail is a joke. You don't have to feel that way...it takes time...but that is where I'm at right now. My son knows better than to expect anything except emotional support from me and that is only if he is being nice to me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 635436, member: 1550"] MY difficult child, who I am conviced has both antisocial and narcissistic traits, has never sent me a birthday card in his life. He doesn't even know when it's my birthday. He calls me every day, but it's all about him. He never ever sends his siblings cards either and wonders why his siblings want nothing to do with him, although the no-birthday-cards is the least of their complaints about him. I can't speak for all difficult children as I only know why my own son is one. He clearly has personality disorders and people with personality disorders are callous, lack empathy, often deflect responsibility onto another (with no remorse), lack a moral center and do not think there is anything wrong with their behavior. If they are antisocial or narcissistic at all, the world is all about them and their comfort and needs. About what Recovering said, it is solid and good advice. I have learned to respond differently to this son than my other grown children, who are not personality-disordered. I no longer expect birthday cards or wishes from him, for example. I no longer expect him to put in any effort into any relationship...he expects everyone else to do all the work then is puzzled when he is dumped. I give up trying to explain to him why he should and shouldn't do something...he is too old for that. He is a man. I know who he is and don't expect big changes and that attitude helps. It also helps me refuse to deal with him when he is unpleasant. And I don't deal with him if he is unpleasant. So I think Recovering is correct. We can't change them and many don't change. But we can change our response to their behavior. The reason your son is drawn to his ex is because difficult children attract other difficult children. They can actually enjoy their lethal relationships. If not her, it would be another difficult child girlfriend. Our difficult child sons do not attract the best women. From one who knows. I would advise that you try to detach from your son and his bad behavior. It is too bad he uses your grandson against you, but they do that and we can't help it. If it were me, being how I am now rather than how I was maybe five or ten years ago, I'd buy stuff for my grandson, but nothing for an adult child who won't work and thinks jail is a joke. You don't have to feel that way...it takes time...but that is where I'm at right now. My son knows better than to expect anything except emotional support from me and that is only if he is being nice to me. [/QUOTE]
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