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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 688813" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Lil,</p><p>I hope you are doing a little better today. Reading all of this gives me flashbacks to my own son.</p><p>My son would fly into tantrums/rages over nothing. Being asked to mow the lawn, clean his room, asking him what he did that day, it didn't matter.</p><p>One thing we did learn from all the family counseling we went to was that he is very emotional,<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/wellduh.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":wellduh:" title="wellduh :wellduh:" data-shortname=":wellduh:" />and that he was not processing his feelings, again <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/wellduh.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":wellduh:" title="wellduh :wellduh:" data-shortname=":wellduh:" />. Basically the counselor told us that he would let things build up inside and then at given moment he would explode. The counselor worked with him on his anger and impulse control, how to breathe, how to count to 20 and think about what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. So he was taught some really good skills but never put them into practice, instead, they became his "excuse" "I can't help myself I have impulse control issues"</p><p></p><p></p><p>I remember you sharing with us how you told him he needed to find out about this to make sure there was not a warrant out for him. You also told him that if he didn't check into it and came back to your town that it could become an issue.</p><p>This is all on him. I see nothing wrong with the way Jabber dealt with it. As you said, all those years of working in corrections, it's just second nature to him.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I was on the receiving end of these screaming rants many times. It is absolutely mind boggling that your son or mine do not see all the help that has been given to them.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is not hypocritical at all. It's your house.</p><p></p><p></p><p>My son would do this too. He would get right in my face and ball up his fists and scream at me. When he grew taller than me and out weighed me it really scared me. No one should live with that kind of fear.</p><p></p><p></p><p>My house has several holes in the wall and the one through our bedroom door where he took a hammer to it to get in because it was locked. Then there was the time I came home to find my kitchen counters had been hacked at with my butcher knife. While this was not aimed directly at "me" it was still violence against me. Our homes are where we should feel safe and when our homes are vandalized it's an attack on our safety.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Been there too. It's like trying to talk a brick wall into moving.</p><p></p><p></p><p>So true.</p><p>Lil, there is nothing easy about any of this.</p><p>You and Jabber's hearts were in the right place. You offered to help him out because of the fire. Your son has not taken this bit of help seriously. I think it's much to easy for our difficult children to fall back into old patterns when we let them live with us.</p><p></p><p>Now you just have to be prepared with a plan come June 1st if he has not earned and saved enough money. It would be my guess that he's hoping you will feel sorry for him and let him stay.</p><p></p><p>As for the upcoming court date, you never know, this might be what it takes to wake him up.</p><p></p><p>I'm just so sorry your son's choices are causing so much heartache for you. I really do know how you feel.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/grouphugg.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":grouphugg:" title="grouphugg :grouphugg:" data-shortname=":grouphugg:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 688813, member: 18516"] Hi Lil, I hope you are doing a little better today. Reading all of this gives me flashbacks to my own son. My son would fly into tantrums/rages over nothing. Being asked to mow the lawn, clean his room, asking him what he did that day, it didn't matter. One thing we did learn from all the family counseling we went to was that he is very emotional,:wellduh:and that he was not processing his feelings, again :wellduh:. Basically the counselor told us that he would let things build up inside and then at given moment he would explode. The counselor worked with him on his anger and impulse control, how to breathe, how to count to 20 and think about what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. So he was taught some really good skills but never put them into practice, instead, they became his "excuse" "I can't help myself I have impulse control issues" I remember you sharing with us how you told him he needed to find out about this to make sure there was not a warrant out for him. You also told him that if he didn't check into it and came back to your town that it could become an issue. This is all on him. I see nothing wrong with the way Jabber dealt with it. As you said, all those years of working in corrections, it's just second nature to him. I was on the receiving end of these screaming rants many times. It is absolutely mind boggling that your son or mine do not see all the help that has been given to them. This is not hypocritical at all. It's your house. My son would do this too. He would get right in my face and ball up his fists and scream at me. When he grew taller than me and out weighed me it really scared me. No one should live with that kind of fear. My house has several holes in the wall and the one through our bedroom door where he took a hammer to it to get in because it was locked. Then there was the time I came home to find my kitchen counters had been hacked at with my butcher knife. While this was not aimed directly at "me" it was still violence against me. Our homes are where we should feel safe and when our homes are vandalized it's an attack on our safety. Been there too. It's like trying to talk a brick wall into moving. So true. Lil, there is nothing easy about any of this. You and Jabber's hearts were in the right place. You offered to help him out because of the fire. Your son has not taken this bit of help seriously. I think it's much to easy for our difficult children to fall back into old patterns when we let them live with us. Now you just have to be prepared with a plan come June 1st if he has not earned and saved enough money. It would be my guess that he's hoping you will feel sorry for him and let him stay. As for the upcoming court date, you never know, this might be what it takes to wake him up. I'm just so sorry your son's choices are causing so much heartache for you. I really do know how you feel. :grouphugg: [/QUOTE]
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